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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

5 Life Hacks You Absolutely, Positively, Cannot Live Without

Life is difficult.  Like, really, painstakingly difficult.  And if you're like us, you crave any and every workaround possible for you to increase your efficiency, productivity, and ease of existence.  That's why we are proud to roll out five new life hacks that promise to change the world as you know it.  Try them at home or with a friend.  Suggest one to a colleague at work.  Share them with your book movie gossip club.  Honestly, we could care less.  Just remember: you aren't living your life to the max without these essential hacks.  And those are the facts.  Jack. 

Let's start with something needlessly complex.  Need some water but all you have is ice?  LIFE HACK: take the ice out of the freezer and let it sit there until science transforms into water.  Presto!  You're done.  See?  Life hack!  It's.  Just.  That.  Simple.  Note: this process also works in reverse, but because of God not science. 

Are your shoes feeling too small?  Are your toes feeling too long?  If you answered yes to either of the previous questions then you'll love our next life hack.  Simply cut off the ends of your toes (or your shoes, depending on the situation) and blamo!  LIFE HACK ACHIEVED.  This one is especially great for families with young children.  Now you can buy one pair of shoes and it will fit until they are 18 years old and out of the house, working for the city.  Will they be made fun of at school the entire time?  Sure, but that would have happened anyway.  You can't win them all. 

Don't you just hate Mondays?  So do we!  That's why our next life hack may be the best one yet.  To avoid Mondays for the rest of your life, follow these easy instructions:

-Wait until Sunday night.
-Eat entire box of Tylenol PM^.
-Wake up Tuesday.

Tired of all those pesky passwords you have to remember?  It can be taxing to keep a sequence as complex as 0-1-2-3-4-5 or P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D in your head for multiple years, we know.  Luckily there's a life hack to remedy this very situation!  Just plug all of your passwords into 1Password, then sit back and enjoy the ease of never remembering anything ever again.  Bonus hack: all of your data and personal info will eventually be compromised.  Why?  Because you willingly handed over all of your personal details to a website that promised to keep them safe.  Nice one!  LIFE HACK AND REAL HACK, ALL IN ONE!

Our last life hack should please all the maids of the world.  Are you tired of making your bed and cleaning your sheets?  Then enjoy this two-for-one life hack.  Next time you wash your sheets, simply remake the bed and sleep on the floor from that night forward.  You'll wake every day to a perfectly made bed.  Bonus hack: sleep in the clothes you plan to wear the next day.  When you shower in them they'll be clean for another 24 hour romp with destiny!  HACKITTY, HACK, HACK-HACK-HACK. 

See what we mean?  Life hacks are all around us.  Heck, you may be sitting on a treasure trove of life hacks and not even know it.  So what life hacks do you employ?  We want to know!  Leave your favorite in our comments section or AIM it to us.  Our screen name is KewlGrrl85.*

^ Thye Tylenol thing is a very absurd joke.  Don't do that under any circumstances.
*Apologies in advance to the real person with screenname KewlGrrl85.