One of those new ideas was released earlier today amidst growing concern about parental presence on Facebook. Why? Let's be honest here, people: your mom is on facebook. And maybe your dad is too, just to check out the ladies you keep in your
Initially, inactive or "dead" accounts as Facebook calls them, were simply deleted. After all, what's the use of wasting valuable memory on Facebook's massive servers for people that can't even use the site? But with Facebook's announcement today, that will all slowly start to change. "Dead" accounts will now be moved to their new post-mortem sister-site Gravebook, and will forever be preserved at the deceased family's behest*. While some annoying whistle-blowers are appalled by the roll-out, the vast majority of facebook users view the new site as a chance to keep their family legacy alive for generations to come. Don Featherlumper is just one of the many in favor of the shift.
"We all thought it would be kind of boring to just have these profiles up as a memorial. After all, social networking is supposed to be just that: a chance for people to meet, mingle, and share common ideas. But how can they do that when they're dead?" Zuckerberg said in a hand-written press release on a stained Applebees menu. "Our new autonomous activity generator gives your grandparents that opportunity by synthesizing what your grandparents might actually be doing in the afterlife. Living family members will be able to track the deceased's activity on Gravebook just like they do their own on Facebook."
Confusing? Yes, but it's not without it's charm. After all, with all of the information Facebook has stolen from every one of us about what we eat, where we live, where we shop, and what books, movies and music we're in to, the autonomous activity generator can create a very realistic and active after life. Just make sure you set Grandpa's profile to "Roam the Earth" and let Gravebook do the rest. (Note: turn off the "eat brains" setting as well).
*Or until they all die too, whichever comes first.
^Most of these ads are for The Scooter Store or prominently feature Wilford Brimley.