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Monday, August 30, 2010

Wind Turbines Working Too Well As California Blows US East




In whaty can only be called and ironic twist of fate, nature may have some different plans for the "alternative energy resources" we prize so dearly.  Earlier today, data began circulating that may confirm what many scientists had been fearing for years: the wind turbines in California are working too well and there seems to be no way to stop them.  With growing fears of what might happen, officials are scrambling to contain the situation as best as possible. 

The theory is old as the turbines themselves, dating back some thirty years.  Until today however, it had been dismissed as nonsense.  After all, who among us would have thought that alternative or 'green' energy resources could come back to haunt us?  Ron Binderson of the Yosemite Air, Wind and Nature group did.  "I can almost hear the discussion now," the blowhard comments as he breathes through his mouth.  "In 1976 they asked us what would happen if the couldn't turn the turbines off-- like it would have been some sort of problem for society!  'We'd solve the world energy problem, that's what'd happen, you moron.'  I don't think anybody realized that it could become a reality though.  If these preliminary reports are even approximate, we're in for one heck of a ride."

Citizens in some northern California communities have been worried for years.  Reports of windsocks being at full tilt, kazoos and harmonicas playing without human assistance, and birthday wishes being ruined are just the tip of the iceberg from a scientific standpoint.  "Each of those incidents are isolated," Gene Bajonga, another Y.A.W.N. member, adds.  "But if a gust of wind comes off the Pacific at the right time, it might cause a few of those turbines to work together.  Then we're in for it."


His theory, in case you're wondering, is that the 20 or 30 thousand turbines in California would blow the US across the Atlantic towards Europe and Africa.  The 'Pangea Theory' as it's been dubbed, seems to be the universal assumption from most 'green-oriented' businesses and public non-profits leaving many to believe they have simply smoked themselves stupid.  Still, they trudge on, converting as many followers as they can each day.  And their campaign seems to be picking up steam. 

 Most realists, like Simon Dandyfeather, doubt the turbines could do any real damage though.  "These people are idiots.  Did they forget that the earth is solid to the core like my killer abs?  Look...the worst thing that can happen is one of the turbines comes loose, the blades fall to the interstate, it kills a lot of people, and so the government shuts them down.  And until that happens again, everyone needs to relax, have a protein shake, and enjoy the breeze."

Until we get hard evidence however, there is no real right or wrong here, a concept that many Americans struggle with each day.  "It's a gray area, for sure..." Binderson offers on his way out.  "...much like the fog in San Francisco, which, without those turbines to remove it each day, would be permanent.  So you should consider that, too." 

Friday, August 20, 2010

F*ck You





Big thanks to The Outhouse Life for this link.  Have a good weekend, y'all.

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Friday, August 13, 2010

Weekend Whammy


 In honor of my return from the Greek Theatre and my father's new found respect for the band thanks to the musical costumes of 1994, 1996 and 2009, I thought I'd post one of my all time favorite versions of "Stash," taken from the 1995 release "A Live One." 

To listen, simply click "play" on the player below:



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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Move Over Ironic Tee Shirts, American Apparel Launches "Invisitee"

LA is a city defined by tee shirts.  That's why it came as no surprise to anyone in 2004 when American Apparel, the mismanaged homegrown cotton vendor, expanded their tee shirt line to include any and every new design on the market.  The hipsters took to it in spades making American Apparel the default backdrop for almost every slogan, joke or image one could print.

In the years that followed, things got a bit out of hand.  Shirts became a short-hand of sorts.  A place where people could truly express their opinion on a topic that needed no commentary to begin with.  Still, they trudged on, printing hideous image after hideous image, Mario taking a bong hit, a zebra sitting on a rubix cube, the list went on.  And just days before the tee shirt apocalypse came to pass, one hipster saw the light and changed things for everyone.

Sasha takes the runway in Milan

His name is Sasha Doitchmung, and beyond being perhaps the hippest hipster to every walk the planet, he also has been given full credit for the revolution that is now taking place in menswear.  "For years I was searching for a way to break free from the pack, but everywhere I looked it was stupid tee shirts with 'Idaho? No Udaho' on them and things like that.  It really made my whiskers itch so I finally did something about it.  I thought, instead of what's on the tee shirt, why not think about what's in the tee shirt.  So I set out on a journey across the world to find the softest cotton ever imaginable."

And a cotton he did find, partnering up with American Apparel last month to launch what he is calling the Invisitee. "It's the softest tee shirt ever created.  Softer than baby skin, even."  On par with the shroud of Turin, which Sasha hates cause it has a trendy Jesus image on it, the shirt is said to be softer than any garment ever worn.  It has yet to be tested on humans for fear it might fall to pieces when touched by human hands.  Still, he claims it does exist and when it is finally unveiled, it will change all of hipsterdom forever.

And while no preview images have been released to the press at this point ("flash photography may cause the garment to disappear"), Sasha offers that it will be a vast improvement from American Apparel's last attempt at the same effort, pictured below.

While we can't believe any company would actually release such a ridiculous garment for public consumption, the real story in this failure is the alluring mustache of their model, Latino Luke Perry.  LLP, for short, was offered the gig to model the new shirt, but after the PR nightmare that was the previous campaign, he decided to sit this one out.  Probably a wise move.  Still, as we sit here on the eve of what could be the biggest fashion news of all time, we can't help but wonder if this might have been the job to book.  At least that way he would have been in the know, something infinitely hipper than any distressed piece of cotton you call clothing.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Gone Phishin'

It's Friday, August 6th, and that means Great Scott has left Los Angeles and is en route to Berkeley, CA to catch 2 Phish shows and connect with fellow columnist Desi Arnaz, and The Big Sea, our DJ from the east coast (who just dropped When Rap Attacks this week.  Download it here!).  For you fans that come across this page, I too was heartbroken I couldn't catch all three shows in Berkeley.  Some punk kid ripped me off and then I had to pay through the roof on Stubhub just to catch 2 of 3.  But I think I made the right choice, as the opening show of a tour typically kicks off with standard fare.  Especially on a Thursday.  (really hoping the band proves me wrong though. We'll see!)

It will be exciting to see the band so close to where The Dead made their home, and a mere day off from the anniversary of Jerry's death.  I'm hoping for some major bustouts.  The biggest being Terrapin Station (to mirror what they did at VA Beach in '98), but that is some wishful thinking.  On the Phish side of things though, Daniel Saw The Stone was played the only other time Phish has played the Greek, and I would love to hear it live as I never have.

Either way though, please remember that whatever you're doing this weekend, I'm having more fun.  So suck on that.

We'll be back next week with an update from the weekend.  Thanks!

Great Scott

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Tuesday, August 03, 2010

The Big Sea drops When Rap Attacks

click the image to enlarge for tracklist
My boy holdin it down in the south, The Big Sea, dropped his newest mix today.  It has already proved to be essential listening, partly because of the cuts he used, but more because of his seamless transitioning and blending that make you wonder how this wasn't a commercial release to begin with.  Download your copy free copy before the link expires, and tell your friends.  And those of you in the NC/SC area, email him for bookings.  He's perfect for parties, cat-baptisms, and harvest festivals. 

When Rap Attacks features cuts by:




Monday, August 02, 2010

Bob Weir Lets Grandson Visit Further Festival

Bob Weir and his grandson Little Justin
"When I was your age, we used needle drugs," Bob Weir, the aging rock semi star and former Grateful Dead guitarist, said to his grandson while backstage at Further Festival.  "But you kids these days, you like your ecstasies and your medical grade cannabis, and frankly I just don't get it."  Still, that didn't stop little Justin's mom from forcing the exchange between the embittered old man and the wide eyed mop headed boy just moments after Weir had closed a set with a rousing rendition of Hey Pocky Way.

"After all, he is his grandfather," Betsy Bieber said to reporters who waited just outside the backstage area.  "And since the kid has no idea what good music is, we thought it was important to get him in here at as early an age as possible.  So we drove his quarter-million dollar car here-- he wanted to come alone, but since he's under 18 he needs an adult with him at all times-- and we stopped in to say hello.  And Bob has been friendly as ever."

When asked how the mother would respond to allegations that her little baby boy Justin was dabbling in experimental rock and or roll, she dismissed the idea immediately.  "Jussy knows full well that we like tight 3-chord and 4-chord bubble gum pop songs in our household.  It has always been that way, and it will always be that way.  At least until his voice changes and we get the RV paid off."

Still, it may take more than that antiquated notion to keep her son under wraps.  Late reports are trickling in that lil' Jussy (as he likes to be called) also met with his godfather, one Ernest Joseph Anastasio III last week to discuss "free form jazz and acid rock," something his godfather knows better than almost anyone.  Well, anyone alive at least.

So will this mark a major change for the Biebs?  Doubtful.  It will be years until he tries his first drug or gets his first taste of ass.  Then we'll see what kind of music this kid (or his producers, rather) can really make.
 

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