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Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Man Overdoses On Yeast, Leavening Agents; Posthumously Feeds Hundreds

Hero isn't a word we throw around that often here at Great Scott!  After all, if there are any heroes left in this world, they sure aren't making their presence known from what we can tell.  That is, until today, when we learned about a Kenyan man from...well, Kenya...whose story was so inspiring, it had to be shared with the world.  I'm talking of course, about Mbat *clck* Ondandeo, the man who made international headlines in Africa earlier today when it was discovered that he fed his entire village a warm filling meal without so much as setting foot inside a kitchen^.

How you ask?  Simple science really.  Ondandeo had traveled to France in his youth to study culinary arts and existentialism at Academì Francè before his family's diamond mine was absorbed by DeBoers.  Since that fateful day in 1985 when he was withdrawn from school and returned to the Serengeti, he had sought a way to bring the lessons he learned as a boy back to his people so that they too could live a better life.  After several failed attempts, three wives, and a litter of children that would make a Hyena blush, Ondandeo finally had a break through: he had determined the simple recipe for leavened bread, something that had never been shared with many African and Middle-Eastern communities.

So Mbat did what any poor man without an oven would do.  He ate the yeast and the wheat, waited 2 hours, then ate several leavening agents, with the intention of creating a loaf of bread in his own stomach.  Unfortunately, his plan worked a bit too well.  As the minutes passed, he swelled in size until eventually he exploded, littering croutons all over the town.  Villagers ran through the streets with baskets collecting what they could.  Though Mbat had died, he had provided for everyone he loved in ways he never could have thought possible.

"For one thing, I was fucking sick of eating unleavened bread, man," Ondandeo's brother Kalimah said, in perfect Queen's english, to cheering family members and friends at his brother's wake.  "We see news and entertainment from the rest of the world...everyone is enjoying thick, full bread, but not us.  Finally, we can say that era has come to an end.  And without my brother Mbat, it never would have been possible."

Plans to build a statue in his honor have already begun, leaving many financial analysts asking why they don't just use that money to feed the village for several days instead.  Mbat Ondandeo also leaves behind a legacy for future generations to enjoy: 2 bread bowls (twins), 8 baguettes, three kaiser rolls, and 2 loaves of olive bread, and the notion that suicide isn't always wrong, it can be damn tasty too.

^ cause they don't have kitchens, duh!

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Phish Performs All A Cappella Set

photo: Dave Vann
On the heels of their tremendously successful 3-day Halloween run in Atlantic City this past weekend, Phish performed an additional unannounced show back in their hometown of Burlington, Vermont yesterday.  Achieving yet another not-so-little feat in their long line of musical accomplishments, the band performed their first "all a cappella" show ever at the National Convention of Barbershop Singers*.  This marks the first time in rock and roll history that a band (especially one known primarily for their musical exploration through instrumentation) put down their instruments and still played a "sold out" show.  Because no "phans" were made aware of the show and no tickets were made availble to the public, the house mostly consisted true barbershop artists.  And their grandparents.  Some were even cutting hair as they warmed up their vocal chords.  "It helps me relax," Nigel Pinchworthy, of the Nantucket-based barbershop outfit 'The Singing Nettles,' gushed to Rolling Stone magazine. 

The band played only one set, and unfortunately no recording of the show was made.  Call it a gaffe on the guys' part, maybe.  Or perhaps it was another calculated move by a band that continues to add to their ever growing musical legacy with each passing day.  No matter how you slice it though, they blew the moustaches off the enthralled audience for almost 30 full minutes.

11.03.10 Burlington Convention Center, Burlington, VT 

Back In My Home Town Reprise^
Star Spangled Banner
My Sweet One
I Didn't Know >
Reba (whistling outro)
Stage Banter >
YEM Vocal Jam >
Kung >
Stage Banter Reprise
Hello My Baby
Amazing Grace >
Have Mercy
Tomorrow's Song

Don't Bogart That Joint

^though not actually a song, the band sung this phrase in the 90s before a show in Vermont and reprised it for the first time ever that day.

*Formally named the National Convention of Barbershop Quartets, the name was changed after quintets, sextets, and septets felt they weren't being treated equally by judges.