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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Green Minded Futurists Declare Comedy Dead By 2050

The environmentally friendly world of tomorrow: clean, breathable, and completely recycled.  "That's the only way we're going to survive as a people," Randy Bigs gushed to the press as he left the first annual Conference For Tomorrow, Today.  "But don't ask me, ask one of the actual scientists here for the conference.  There goes one now.  I'm sure he knows something."

"It's as simple as this: if it can't be recycled or reused 20 years from now, then we'll have to do away with it," McCoy Realerson announced flatly to the throng of listening reporters after we made our way over. "There's simply no other option.  With the population continuing to grow and room running out, we'll have to prioritize, decide what is most important for future generations of men and women, and go from there."

This drew many cries and scoffs from the crowd, who apparently took the quickest bus from their book burning that they could.  Still, it did raise an interesting argument.  What could be saved?  What was the number one top priority for mankind in the future?  The obvious answers come quickly, though they are perhaps the most insurmountable: water, food, shelter, clothing, taco bell.  But after all the essentials are covered, what exactly is at the top of the list?  And how do we even begin to part with the litany of things we hold so important to us today?  Glenn Baldino, associate professor of your mom at New York University, attempted to shed some light on the subject.

"Ownership and possession are notions that need to be removed from the global consciousness.  And a lot of things we take for granted today won't even be factored in to the equation in the future, so the whole conversation will change before this becomes a reality.  The world of tomorrow won't have room for luxuries, period.  In fact, the very idea of rich-versus-poor will be completely extinct as well.  Not because the wealth isn't there, but because we will have realized as a planet that we're all on the same team.  So the money will be distributed towards what we need most: desalinization efforts, spaceships to other earth-like planets, and producing millions of solid color tunics for everyone across earth to wear so we look like a team when the bad guys come with all their iggly-wiggly space arms and slime."

Far fetched as the notion may be, some people are starting to take interest.  Namely, those in special interest groups seeking to protect their legacy for future generations.  Though their efforts have proved fruitless so far, it's making every industry across the world reevaluate and reassess their worth.  "One thing that won't make it with us is comedy," Realerson added to the few reporters still listening to his absurdest drivel.  "Think about it.  Jokes are funniest the first time around.  They may work one time after that- 50 years later- but for the most part, comedy, in general, is a commodity that cannot be recycled.  It losses it's affect after the first go-round."

The theory was immediately met with several examples who prove it completely false.  The Jay Lenos, the Dane Cooks, the Joan Riverses, the Carlos Mencias-- these people, and many like them, have been recycling jokes for years and no one has seemed to take notice.  And granted, there is the overarching question if what these performers do should technically be considered "comedy," but there's no debating the fact that they are occupying and wasting performance platforms that other actually funny people could be using.

But if they are actually comedians, hypothetically speaking, shouldn't their model be copied and followed by every generation to come?  Or has it already been done in the email forwards and bad jokes our grandfathers told us?  Have we, as a society, been killing comedy slowly but surely for the past 50* years?  Is it too late to do anything about it?  It's because of these lapses in social consciousness that many scientists, like Herb Stanchy, say yes it is.  "Until people wake up and smell the farts, I really see no future for this medium.  It's far too subjective and people are far too stupid." 

*or whenever the first "talkie" was released in theaters.

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