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Friday, October 29, 2010

GM Recalls Cars, Kmart Recalls Everything They Ever Made

In a bit of financial news today, we focus on the growing number of recalls in the United States.  

With more and more companies adding their products to the federal list of recalled items, American consumers are starting to understand why the phrase MADE IN AMERICA isn't what they want to see when they inspect their purchases more closely.  With companies like GM, Maytag and Toyota all having major recalls at this point, other companies have started to assess their product line and determine if anything they make could suffer the same fate.  It's a smart move from a business perspective, but it's something that should have been happening all along with consumer safety in mind. With many companies however, consumer safety has always been an afterthought, especially when it got in the way of profit.  But now with Uncle Sam sticking it to these corporations, many are wondering if they should get out of the game all together.

 In an effort to stop the bleeding before it started, Kmart announced earlier today that they will recall everything they have ever made.  The move came when the company realized that pretty much everything they have ever produced, marketed or sold was a complete piece of shit.  Though they had been hearing the same cries from their patrons since their opening in 1962, it took until the year 2010 before the company finally admitted their negligence, if you can even call it that.  Their move has prompted several other "crappy stores," like The 99 Cent Store or Stuckeys, to make similar shifts that seem to indicate they'll be doing the same thing shortly as well.

 "We live in such a hyper sensitive society," defunct Kmart CEO Chip Winkly said in his statement to the press, "that financially speaking, it isn't worth the risk to run a company here in America anymore.  People sue corporations for nothing these days, and the public loves it cause of the whole David versus Goliath thing.  And considering what we do at our stores-- I mean, have you ever been inside a Kmart?  That was enough for me to realize we need to close it up immediately before someone took us for all we're worth."

Their urine scented showrooms not withstanding, the 5 or 6 shareholders in the corporation should be pleased to see their stock continue to rise as Kmart's product line is returned to them one item at a time.  And with plans to liquidate their surplus of inventory to poorer, stupider nations where recalls don't exist, they can expect their stocks to split and double several time over in the coming months.  While this is hardly the recall many American consumers would have hoped for, it's out of sight out of mind for most people.  "One man's trash is another man's treasure after all," Winkly casually joked to reporters.  "And since our country ships them all our actual trash anyway, what's one or two hundred million tons more, right?"

Our thoughts exactly.  Kudos to you, Kmart!

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