Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Marines: Even More Like That Serious Relationship You Don't Want


Recently, many cities across the U.S. have been plastered with a new ad campaign from the Marines.  Featured above, the ad intends to target Men who presumably have just been dumped by their girlfriends in a passive aggressive attempt to get them to settle down and get serious.  Never wanting their wings clipped, most single or casually dating men could not think of a worse fate than being "committed," unless it came with a straight jacket and a padded room to boot. The immediate male backlash that has come from this advertisement has many political commentators wondering what the Marines will do next. 

Robert "Bob" Knobber, a D.C. lobbyist against wasteful military spending was very vocal about his thoughts.  "So you're 21, you just finished college, and you got this hot little chick over.  The problem is, she hasn't been with a lot of guys, and her last boyfriend really burned her.  Like with a lighter or something.  Or emotionally.  Anyway, you get her down to her skeevs and then she says 'I need to know we're going to be together forever...' and it's like, WHOA!  No thanks!  Maybe a dip in the pool every once and a while, but I don't want to own one, you know what I mean?  The same thing is true here.  You think any guy is going to want to join the Marines if he thinks he has to be really serious about it?  Especially when all he sees in the media are soldiers getting drunk and making pyramids out of prisoners?  It's his God-given American birthright to be able to stack prisoners too, but instead, the military is scaring him off making him think he's not going to 'get laid' unless he 'puts a 4 year ring on it.'"


Still, a greater concern could be the fact that if the military chooses to pull the plug on these ads, they will have wasted millions of dollars in tax payer money only to reinforce the dropping enlistment numbers and the growing public outrage.  After all, what good is advertisement if it deters the general public from gravitating towards said product or service?  Fictitious Manderson, a prominent pretend New York Economist, added further insight.  "It's an inverse cause and effect relationship.  Like Don't Ask, Don't Tell.  The military said 'we don't want to know your sexual preference,' and what did the soldiers do?  They came out in spades.  This could have the same effect."

One can't help but wonder why at this point the Marines haven't embraced their now-vocal homosexual minority and hired one of them to handle their advertising.  "They could have stopped this before it started," Manderson added as he leaned in towards me to whisper.  "They have great taste, you know.  Somehow, they know what we want."

They also probably would have clarified that the Marines ARE accepting applications, despite what the billboards say.  In fact, that's the only way to join.  Seems like a fundamental flaw to all of us here at Great Scott! but then, when have we ever agreed with what the military has done?

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