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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Move Over Ironic Tee Shirts, American Apparel Launches "Invisitee"

LA is a city defined by tee shirts.  That's why it came as no surprise to anyone in 2004 when American Apparel, the mismanaged homegrown cotton vendor, expanded their tee shirt line to include any and every new design on the market.  The hipsters took to it in spades making American Apparel the default backdrop for almost every slogan, joke or image one could print.

In the years that followed, things got a bit out of hand.  Shirts became a short-hand of sorts.  A place where people could truly express their opinion on a topic that needed no commentary to begin with.  Still, they trudged on, printing hideous image after hideous image, Mario taking a bong hit, a zebra sitting on a rubix cube, the list went on.  And just days before the tee shirt apocalypse came to pass, one hipster saw the light and changed things for everyone.

Sasha takes the runway in Milan

His name is Sasha Doitchmung, and beyond being perhaps the hippest hipster to every walk the planet, he also has been given full credit for the revolution that is now taking place in menswear.  "For years I was searching for a way to break free from the pack, but everywhere I looked it was stupid tee shirts with 'Idaho? No Udaho' on them and things like that.  It really made my whiskers itch so I finally did something about it.  I thought, instead of what's on the tee shirt, why not think about what's in the tee shirt.  So I set out on a journey across the world to find the softest cotton ever imaginable."

And a cotton he did find, partnering up with American Apparel last month to launch what he is calling the Invisitee. "It's the softest tee shirt ever created.  Softer than baby skin, even."  On par with the shroud of Turin, which Sasha hates cause it has a trendy Jesus image on it, the shirt is said to be softer than any garment ever worn.  It has yet to be tested on humans for fear it might fall to pieces when touched by human hands.  Still, he claims it does exist and when it is finally unveiled, it will change all of hipsterdom forever.

And while no preview images have been released to the press at this point ("flash photography may cause the garment to disappear"), Sasha offers that it will be a vast improvement from American Apparel's last attempt at the same effort, pictured below.

While we can't believe any company would actually release such a ridiculous garment for public consumption, the real story in this failure is the alluring mustache of their model, Latino Luke Perry.  LLP, for short, was offered the gig to model the new shirt, but after the PR nightmare that was the previous campaign, he decided to sit this one out.  Probably a wise move.  Still, as we sit here on the eve of what could be the biggest fashion news of all time, we can't help but wonder if this might have been the job to book.  At least that way he would have been in the know, something infinitely hipper than any distressed piece of cotton you call clothing.

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