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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Africanized Bees Request Name Change

Bees.  Who gives a shit, right?  The bees do, that's who.  And they're flapping their little wings louder than they ever have, in part due to a growing prejudice against them.  In recent years, the volume of anti-bee sentiments have percolated to the surface, resulting in an outpouring of media content and swayed public opinion.  Now, bees face a challenge they never have before: changing their identity.

Indeed, the squeaky clean image of bees collecting honey and fertilizing flowers seems a bit antiquated this day and age.  So does the notion of a harmonious world where things work in concert.  So it's not just the bees.  The problem, however, is that the bees are taking a lot of the blame for the otherwise natural order of the world.  Case and point: the Africanized, or "killer" bee, a name that when uttered in front of any bee is sure to send them into a frenzy of rage or excitement (we can't tell-- they're really small!).

So what can be done?  Not much, given the continual onslaught of defamatory actions being taken against them.  Many bees contend that Seinfeld's recent "Bee Movie" set the bee cause back further than when Wu Tang Clan dropped "Killer Bees," a single they released with the intention to clarify things for the masses: black people didn't like the word "africanized" becoming synonymous with "killer."  So they did the same thing Bob Dylan did 30 years earlier to exact some change; they wrote a song about it.  A song that reminded America that the bees were the real killers, not the rappers, and specifically not Africanized people themselves.

"Yeah, cause it was like, how would a bee fly all the way over here from Africa?  I understand you're embarrassed that the majority of your species kills people or whatever, but that don't make us dumb enough to just believe a bee could fly across the ocean.  Think it through," Method Man, a member of the Wu Tang Clan, said in an earlier statement.

So today, the bees march--err, fly on Washington to attempt to get their lives back.  Should they win their case, the bees will no longer be referred to as "killers," and the fines for referring to them as such will increase with each offense for any human who violates the law.

Ouch.  That one stings.

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