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Thursday, April 29, 2010

James Blake- CMYK (cause vowels are for english students)


Courtesy of Desi Arnaz, our musical headhunter and all around nice guy.  He always seems to deliver on music that I've never heard but can't imagine never hearing again.  Or something.  Like this song?  Want others like it?  Well nobody's stopping you, have at it.

Sheesh, I gotta do everything around here...

Purchase James Blake - CMYK EP 
Cmyk Ep

Monday, April 26, 2010

Evolution Speeding Up, 3rd World Scientists Claim

It's been a while since we have brought you anything new here at Great Scott!, but that's cause we were waiting until we knew the facts about the following story.  And not only is it true, but it promises to be such a shock to the scientific world, we may not be able to finish writing the article without completely flipping our flapjacks.  So, without further ado, here's the scoop...

Mexican scientists*, in a joint experiment with the crazy-question-mark-guy and funded by the 3rd world science alliance (3WSA), have made a shocking discovery.  They claim to have evidence that proves mankind will evolve from 5-fingered-hands to 4-fingered-hands sooner than we thought.  The discovery comes on the heels of what can only be called the most prolific time in 3rd world science history.  Scientists from all over impoverished regions of Mexico and Africa have been working together on this research for months, but are only now stepping forward because "we wanted to be 100% positive before we made the announcement."

As many skeptics draw into question their research methods and educational background, the empirical evidence speaks for itself.  We caught up with 3WSA head researcher Paco Meircoles, who recreated the moment for us:

"We watch a lot of TV.  Mostly Don Cheto, but I mean, what else can you do when 10 people share a 1-bedroom apartment in the name of science?  Anyway, one of our young scientists, we'll call him "my son, Jose" was watching Central de Comedie, a popular news network in our country.  At one point, the science news program Futurama comes on.  Jose watched for a moment then turned to me and said "why do they only have 4 fingers when we humans have 5?"  It was then that I realized exactly what he meant.

"Was I going crazy?  Or was this just another moment where evolution was passing our country by AGAIN?  We had to learn more, so we began experimenting and researching so we could find the cause."  Paco listlessly leafed through some papers as if he had proof to support his entire claim.

"But didn't it bother you that the people you saw on, ahem, Futurama, were animated" we wondered?

"Not at all.  Most of Mexico's leaders have been very animated people.  Look at Luis Echeverría, Ernesto Zedillo, and Vicente Fox.  Put those guys in a room together, and you'd be lucky if any of them came out with two fingers, let alone four or five!"

Instead of reasoning with him, we let Paco have his moment.  It seemed the only civil thing to do.   And to his defense, you haven't partied til you party with a Mexican president.

Still, this faux-discovery does have several legitimate scientists wondering what to do with these scientifically meandering nations and claims.

"I think it's high time we explain to them just what exactly cartoons are.  Otherwise, we'll be spending our last moments on earth trying to reason with a man who thinks that Speedy Gonzales is a national hero."

Paco couldn't have felt differently.

"The key here is to turn everyone in to cartoons so the modern world doesn't pass us by.  Time is of the essence!"

"And how do you propose we do that" we couldn't help but ask?

"A combination of motion capture and WonkaVision."

Surprisingly, Paco was dead on for the first time in his career.  Unfortunately, no one told him, so he continued talking until he sounded crazy again.

Still, it's non-discoveries like these that prove there is much left to be learned about the world.  One can't help but wonder if animation isn't the key to the future of mankind.

*yes, they do exist.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Thom Yorke's Music Made Better By Everyone But Thom Yorke

Our newest columnist and long time friend of Great Scott, Desi Arnaz, came to us with this awesome jazz remix of Thom Yorke's Eraser.

Yeah, we were exited too.

In light of his recent music related forwards, and the fact that he keeps me in the loop, we've decided to make him our first official* columnist beyond me, your humble editor. So everyone say hello and welcome him with a big thank you for finding this jam so we could drop it here.

And per Desi himself, "wait til the 3:20 mark." Cause then it gets reeeealllyy good.

Trust him, he's right.

*official = real, not fictitious.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Paternity Test Reveals Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg Are Long Lost Brothers

COLUMBUS, OH-- In news that shocked no one at all, Jerry Springer revealed last night that Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg are long lost brothers- but not in the traditional sense.

Indeed, there was much speculation surrounding the forthcoming announcement backstage at last night's show. Both actors found themselves in their dressing rooms anticipating the worst. Would Cera be crowned Mr. Awkward 2010, or would Eisenberg be officially asked to step down from his career to ease in the confusion the general public feels every time the walk into the theater? Neither of them had a clue.

Just moments before the show, we had a chance to speak with Eisenberg about the situation.

"I never met The Situation. You're thinking of Cera."

"And you're not Cera?" we wondered.

"No, I'm Eisenberg."

"Oh, you're here to do my taxes. Got it."

"No, I'm the actor, Jesse Eisenberg."

"And I'm Fred Flintstone," I quipped back.


Moments later we found ourselves in Michael Cera's dressing room. Star of the made for TV movie What Katy Did and Twice In A Lifetime where he played Skateboarder #2, it was obvious we had a lot to discuss.

"Tell us about The Situation."

"He was really nice. So was Snooki."

"No, we mean the situation with Jesse Eisenberg."

"Oh. I'm not sure. It's awkward, whatever it is, cause that's what we do best. Awkwardness."

Moments later I was shooed out of this room by his publicist, but she did have this photo for me to confirm that Michael Cera is trying to distance himself from the comparisons to Jesse Eisenberg, especially as Eisenberg gets better parts in better films that Cera has been recently. Here's the photo:

Talk about a good publicist! I hardly recognized the guy. And I don't think Springer was very happy with it either, especially considering the sole purpose of this meeting, which he had yet to reveal to us by that point.
The audience was on the edge of their seat as the theme music played and Jerry took the stage. Some chants of "Mayor of my heart" were heard from the peanut gallery in back* By the time Cera and Eisenberg hit the stage, the place was a cacophony of oohs, ahhs, hisses and cheers. Many seemed confused as to why either of these nerds deserved time on Springer's show. But once he introduced them and showed some of their work, everyone knew the shit was about to hit the fan. Cera's #1 fan to be exact, a girl named Sally Parker who sat in the front row, as wide-eyed as she'd ever been. We caught up with Sally after the show to hear her reaction.

"Had I know I'd be hit with a literal piece of shit, I wouldn't have come here today."

True story.

As the half-hour live-to-tape program clipped along, the audience began to grow restless. 18 minutes and still not one earth-shattering revelation. It was only moments later that things got all too real. Springer opened the fateful envelope and announced that Cera and Eisenberg were in fact long lost brothers. And instead of the traditional "fight til the credits" mantra that the Springer show often embodied, something a little different happened that day: Cera and Eisenberg began to kiss.

But not just any kiss, a really long, really wet, open-mouthed "I'm in love" kind of kiss. The kind of kiss that brothers share. Canadian brothers.

After throwing up for several hours, it was revealed to me that the entire show had been a hoax. Eisenberg wasn't really kissing Michael Cera, he was making out with a mirror, reflecting upon the days when he was a no one and Michael Cera was playing Josh Spitz in the series Braceface for 12 episodes. It was that show that inspired Eisenberg's "impersonate Cera" career, something he is still thankful for to this day.

*Springer is such a huge peanut fan, he actually keeps a gallery of all of his favorite peanuts just behind the audience area at the Jerry Springer Show. Some of his favorites include celebrity look-alikes, peanuts with 3 nuts in one shell, and the elusive single-nut shell peanut.