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Monday, February 08, 2010

Toyota Recalls Prius After Name Misspelled

In a settlement that was just announced this morning, Toyota will be recalling all of their Prius hybrid-vehicles because the name of the car was misspelled on the assembly line. Since that initial misspelling in '07, over 3 million units have been created and sold. This marks a major breach of contract with Primus, the rock-group that agreed to lend Toyota their name for the car because of it's "green initiatives and eco friendly values," said the band. This comes as a major blow to Toyota, whose stock dropped 5 full points last week in the wake of their brake-pedal recall. Experts agree this newly-unearthed misspelling could be the straw that breaks the camel's back for the company, especially when coupled with the endorsement contract they breached in doing so.

"This win was a long time coming," said Les Claypool, the band's eclectic front-man and bass player, as he stepped out of the courtroom. "We had signed on with Toyota to create the Primus in order to give ourselves more exposure. But how can we do that when the company misspells our name? Doesn't Toyota have a proofreader? We lost 3 years here and they aren't even offering a name-recall. Damn brake pedals stole our thunder! And sure, we're glad about the affect the car has had on the world thus far, but imagine how much more impact it would have had, had they gotten the name right to begin with!"

This isn't the first time Primus has expressed an interest in environmentally safe products and initiatives either. In 1991, they released Sailing The Seas Of Cheese, a record they thought would surely jump-start their plan to create oceans of cheese so that no person would ever go hungry again. The idea was a colossal flop, especially when one considers all of the lactose-intolerant people in the world. "There was a day," Claypool added, "when we were doing the whole cheese thing back then...I saw a kid eat a whole wheel of munster and then die right there on the spot after one of the worst farts in world history. The kid died! It was then we realized that ideas like the 'cheese sea,' were creating even more negative emissions from the people who were participating. And sure, farts are bad, but imagine billions of farts and how that would affect the world. It'd be like India- but everywhere."

It was then that Toyota reached out to the band in an attempt to forge a partnership. "I had never heard of Primus, but I thought their way of thinking was astounding," said Yoshi Nakamura of Toyota, Corp. "When Les and I sat down we had a very deep discussion. I asked him to think of a fart. Just one fart. Not even the worst one ever, either. Just a regular fart from a regular guy. Then I asked him to magnify that fart times 3 billion. I explained to him that a car releases more noxious fumes in just 30 seconds than the air than 3 billion people farting simultaneously- and that we all contributed to the emission problem, which at the time was ruled by US officials to be 'poppycock.' Les wasn't swayed in the least. Years later, however, when the global warming thing became an accepted reality, Les finally got on board and we sat down again to begin creating the car that would change the world."

"Two thirds of the car was my idea," Claypool added. "But Yosh' didn't like the wheels being made of cheese, so we had to let that one go. The name was all mine though. And in 2004 we inked a deal with the company to start rolling out cars with our name on back." Indeed this was true. It also explains why many were puzzled as to why the Toyota's Prius: Les Claypool Edition was released. Given the news about the misspelled name today however, it all starts to make sense.

"Of course no one would want to drive a Prius with the GPS voiced by Buckethead. If it were a Primus however, I'm sure we would have sold at least one of 'em."

Buckethead agreed by saying, "turn left in 200 feet....arriving at destination."

So will this misspell the end for the once powerful Toyota Corp.? Yoshi thinks no.
"I think no," added Yoshi. "But only time will tell. And until then, my name is mud for this colossal blunder. They've got me super-gluing the letter 'm' on to every Prius on the road. But hey, at least I have a job!"

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