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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Obama to America: Let Them Watch Lost

When Obama announced a few months ago that he'd be giving the State of the Union address on February 2, nerds everywhere went up in arms at the prospect of the season premiere of Lost being pushed back a week. So much so, China has already threatened brute force and it's driven our president to take up smoking and narcolepsy (as shown above). Since then, and with heavy pressure from the producers^, his administration has changed their plan and will now speak this evening instead of next Wednesday as originally planned. Analysts agree with Obama's decision citing irreconcilable differences between the people of Oceanic flight 815 and "the others."

"This decision couldn't have come soon enough. We've had enough of the fighting. Enough polar bears and...quite frankly, not enough naked Kate. Things need to change."

Delaying the broadcast would be a major blow to Obama's legacy, something not worth risking as his approval rating is lower than it's ever been. This, of course, made some major waves with American Idol fans who contended that, "their show is more American" and "How can you take my dreams away from me for some silly speech?" Indeed, it's proving harder and harder to please everyone, but the Obamas are doing the best they can.

Barack, along with wife Michelle, are long time fans of both shows, but complained that "there's just too much good TV on right now, we had to postpone something. Between Jersey Shore reruns and Chelsea Lately, our tivo is all but full! And since this is Simon's last season on Idol, the longer we get to keep him, the better. I think any red blooded American would agree with me there. Except the Native Americans, they don't count. They never have."

He later went on to add, "Besides, who knows what this Benjamin is really up to. We need a resolve with the Dharma Initiative, and we need to know what that swirling black electro-cloud is before it falls into the wrong hands. Also, where are the black cast members?*"

Analysts agree with Obama's rationale here. The thought of such a plot device in the hands of terrorists could be catastrophic to say the least. A top white-house official chimed in under conditions of anonymity. "The focus really isn't on Kate and Sawyer anymore, though Sawyer is cut from stone and chiseled to perfection...I'm sorry, I've lost my train of thought, what were we discussing?"

One thing is certain however: The president doesn't run the television industry, it runs him. So for all you political hopefuls out there, keep in mind that you're always going to be less significant than the season premiere of a show that makes almost no sense. Presidents may come and go, but TV? That's forever, man.

^Legend has it, the producers of Lost were born out of immaculate conception.

*No, seriously, where are the black cast members? Michael hasn't been seen in ages. If he has, it's been all recycled footage like some Heath Ledger movie one would try to piece together from an incomplete performance.

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