"I'm on a boat!"
AFP reported earlier today that Sean Penn was back in action doing what he does best! No, not on set shooting Harvey Juice (the much anticipated follow up to Milk, chronicling the life of the Kool-Aid Pitcher and his rise to sexual ambiguity), instead he's in Cuba. Doing what? Nobody cares!
Penn made the pilgrimage to Cuba (on a life raft made solely of empty 2-gallon jugs and broken dreams) on behalf of Vanity Fair to interview Fidel Castro. The idea was to chart the progress (or lack thereof) the Obama administration has made with Cuba during their short time in office. What Penn learned, however, would shock the entire world: nobody cares what some actor has to say about the international political policies of our once-great nation (well, except for the Associated Foreign Press and Yahoo who ran the article (shame on you both)). Instead, the session turned into more of a Q&A with Penn, whom Castro has adored since his performance as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. While no cameras or recording devices were allowed in the meeting, many critics agreed that this was a good sign for Hollywood.
"Once Tinseltown brands Penn a commie-red bastard like he really is, his career will surely sputter out. That's why he's looking to Cuba. The film commission tax incentives are fantastic there now," commented Hollywood-pundit Chance Beggington. "I mean, you don't need to go all the way to Cuba just to talk to Castro about movies. Just send him Arthur Miller's corpse and maybe a muffin basket! He'll get the picture."
Others argued that Penn has simply become the "American Bono" spreading his version of "good will" wherever he sees fit. While many are uncertain as to what that actually means, they were unanimous in agreement that it was in fact a bash on the former Shanghai Surprise star. "If this guy gets any more obnoxious, Oprah and Tyler Perry combined won't be able to stop him," commented one.
"I agree with what that guy said," another added.
Thought it's hard to say what Penn will actually take away from this visit, one thing is clear: as Penn's reach becomes mightier, sword gets weaker and weaker.
For Great Scott, I'm Great Scott...reporting.