Thursday, August 27, 2009
Chris Brown in trouble "Forever."
Stupid douche Chris Brown was sentenced to 5 years probation this past Tuesday, after his assault on former girlfriend Rhianna. While I can imagine he was only beating her for having such a stupid name, that's still no excuse. Coupled with sponsors dropping him and stations refusing to play his music, he's been sentenced to 5 years of hard labor and a very strict restraining order against his former ex. He'll do his "time" in Virgina, overseen by some sort of authority figure. We think their conversations might go a little something like this:
Warden: Move the chains
Chris Brown (CB): Movin' the chains, boss.
Warden: Be less obnoxious
Chris Brown: Bein' less obnoxious, boss.
Warden: Hey, Brown, that stupid wedding video for your lame ass song was stupid.
Brown wasn't able to be reached for comment after his sentencing, but his crack-pot team of lawyers had this to say:
"It's weird trying to defend someone when really you want them to go to prison like everybody else does. Call it a conflict of interest if you must, but the guy's a total turd. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an enormous check to cash."
You can buy Chris Brown's records at a Planned Parenthood near you.