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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Obligatory MJ post



Great Scott was heartbroken to hear that pop legend Michael Jackson* passed away just hours ago in a Los Angeles hospital after paramedics rushed the singer there. He was 50 years old. To the second!

The story is especially sad when you couple it with the fact that Jackson was about to release his 48th studio record of his already prolific career. Tentatively titled, "Hey, Let's Touch Butts," it was said to be his most progressive work to date.

"I heard one track and was like, Dayum Micah, you really did something here," says long-time brother Tito Jackson. He then proceeded to ask Michael for a twenty-thousand-dollar loan.

All in all though, family members were shocked by Jackson's decision to take his music in a new direction, but Jackson quickly quelled those fears, citing that "...it's just like trying a new position. Think of every record as a boy. A man. Think of every record as a woman. This is just a new position I'm trying with him. Her." Jackson's father promptly had Jackson fetch a switch from the yard (as was explicitly documented in the VHI made-for-tv-movie The Jacksons), then promptly beat his son senseless for "old times sake."

In the real news, AP reports...

Michael Jackson, the moonwalking former child star who became known the world over as the "King of Pop" before his life and career deteriorated in a freakish series of scandals, died Thursday, a person with knowledge of the situation told The Associated Press. He was 50. The person said Jackson died in a Los Angeles hospital. The person was not authorized to speak publicly and requested anonymity.

The circumstances of his death were not immediately clear. Jackson was not breathing when Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics responded to a call at his Los Angeles home about 12:30 p.m., Capt. Steve Ruda told the Los Angeles Times. The paramedics performed CPR and took him to UCLA Medical Center, Ruda told the newspaper.

By NEKESA MUMBI MOODY and DERRIK J. LANG, Associated Press Writers

Oh, by the way- in other REAL NEWS, 100,000 other people died today too. But you don't care about that. You just want your celebrities.

*yes, I did link his wikipedia, in case you've never heard of him. Or seen the sun. Or breathed.

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