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Friday, August 22, 2008

Bore-lympics



This Sunday, the one billionth Olympiad comes to a close. I couldn't be happier, personally, as it seems like the only event NBC wants to broadcast is beach volleyball. I've got no problem with beach volleyball. I actually enjoy it. What I have a problem with is the fact that I haven't seen 1 Redeem Team game, one javelin thrown, one discus spun. It's bull shit. The Olympics aren't about speed walking and bmx biking (though you'd be hard pressed to tell anyone otherwise), rather the Olympics are about all those ancient Greek games we once did- and cared about. The decathalon. The Marathon. Things that sound like Greek gods from the outset.



Not that volleyball is without it's merits...

In fact, I've noticed that in all the female sports I watch, they're wearing next to nothing. And hell, if I have to sit there and watch 2 hours of volleyball a night, there better be some T & A. And this trend seems to sweep across the board. All the female athletes are wearing less and getting hotter by each Olympic game. And I guess it makes sense...the winter Olympics isn't exactly a 'show some skin affair,' so they have to make up for it in the summer, appeasing all the child molesters in the world with scantily clad gymnasts, divers, volleyball players, and deliciously thick softball players.

She's good with oversized balls.

Yet a twinge of irony still hangs over these games every year. From the middle eastern track stars wearing head to toe Burqas, slowing them down immensely, to the firewalled itunes due to a Free Tibet mix that was released to the athletes, it almost seems like we're pushing and pulling at the same time. In one sense, our American women put their bodies on display, while we sit back and watch the rest of the world get oppressed. Worse yet- they still only show volleyball!

So when the Olympics come to a close this weekend, be thankful that you won't see Michael Pheelps 24/7 anymore. Be thankful that somewhere in the world little girls won't see softball as a 'career path.' Be thankful that by the next Olympics the volleyball players will be wearing nothing but paisleys and a blur mark on their nether-region.

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