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Thursday, September 06, 2007

New Virus May Be Killing Bees



Yahoo News reported today that a new virus may be killing off bees, explaining why we may have seen less bees this summer than previous years. An excerpt of the article:

"While the virus probably does not alone account for what scientists call colony collapse disorder, or CCD, it could help explain what is happening to bees across the United States, they said...CCD hit an estimated 23 percent of all beekeeping operations in the United States during the winter of 2006-7. "These beekeepers lost an average of 45 percent of their operations," the researchers wrote in their report, published in the journal Science.

Beekeepers do not find bees dead -- they simply find the hives nearly empty, with the queens alone and workers gone.


So just where are all these bees going? Why did it happen this year and not many years before? Is this just a part of the natural course of life? Scientists may say yes, but I think Hollywood is to blame.

Killer Bees

Since I can remember, Hollywood has tried to seduce the insect population to work for 'the biz.' Dating as far back as the Wu-Tang Clan hit, "Killer Bees," it's easy to see that this seduction didn't come easily. Killer Bees, while a successful cross over single for the Clan of Wu in many white suburban communities, it didn't have a far reaching enough impact to get the bees behind the biz (or buzz in this case).



A short time thereafter, they tried a more extrovertive approach, blatantly dressing an ugly little girl as a bee. Their mindset: if she can do it, anyone can! Yes bees...come to Hollywood, land of dreams and pollen, of queen bees and honey pots.

Shrouded in music videos and crappy catchy pop songs, their guise still wasn't enough. The Hollywood 'bee craze' of the mid 90s came and went, and the bee population returned to their normal functionality: making and producing delicious ass honey. And no I don't mean delicious-ass honey, as if delicious-ass were the adjective.

Recently though, we've seen quite an upswing in bee themed enetertainment, culminating in the recent announcent (and screening of) Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie.



This film attracted 1000s of bee extras, 100s of queens, and even a few gay bees as well. Since the film went into production, and after Tom Cruise took the wheel, over 100,000 bees have died, or gone missing...never to bee seen or heard from again.

I found it odd that no one had put 2 and 2 together before. It's clear that these bees are shifting their migratory patterns to wind up out west...but the country's honey production has suffered because of it. And not to sound like Karl Marx, but these bees should know their place.

I'm Cuban, B!

I mean, it's not as if I can just go join a colony of bees and help make honey. That just doesn't make sense. Plus I'd get a lot of weird looks from bees...some wondering if I'd lost my mind, others noting that they should sting me for even entering their realm.

And this reporter is inclined to agree. So before we call every industry in the universe 'equal opportunity,' sit back and think about what it does to the people that might be most qualified to work in that said profession. If we can't be bees, then they can't take jobs in entertainment away from me.

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