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Monday, August 21, 2006

a song about words

After weeks and weeks of long hours and short nights, I am finally back into somewhat of a regular schedule. I've even noticed my sleeping pattern has improved since the show wrapped up last week, and now I am feeling much healthier, happier, and just great all around.

My little brother is in town for the week, if you know him or want to, now's your chance.

So just what the fuck has been going on with me? I mean, so much time passes, we begin to forget that at one point, I was writing in this thing once a day, regarding it as my closest friend and ally, and my worst enemy or foe. Now I am just glad to be backm filling its meaningless html space with words, notions, thoughts, and crazy theories about life. This post is no exception.

I've been depressed recently. I'm beginning to think that its because of the way I've been living my life, working from 6b am til 8 pm, waking when its still dark, and now going on 10 months without seeing my family- or their new home. I am so glad my brother is here for that reason, but I was reminded of a Kings of Convenience quote when I was really down in the dumps:

Homesick
Cause I know longer know
what home is

And I do, I do know what home is, but I also think it sort of as a "I'm in myh 20s, someday I want a home of my own." That really doesn't work does it. What I mean is that, you know...people have kids and make a life. I hope I do that someday as well. But this town is weird like that. Like, at least back home I thought I had a chance. Somewhere over the years I've gotten it in my head that the women out here are cold and unreceptive. I've learned nothing contrary yet, so I am inclined to keep feeling that way, even though I know if I just warmed up a bit, it would cause this cyclical thing and then they would in turn warm up to me, and then I to them again, and so on and so forth. We'll see.

Last friday, before getting my brother from the airport, I was given all these deliveries to do for work. Rush hour on a friday, and I get sent all over LA...that typically bugs me, but as it happened, I got sent on a different route than I normally take. I was driving north on Sepulveda from Olympic, listening to the Flaming Lips "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots," when I came upon a large cemetary. Clearly a US soldier memorial, as the the fields looked like South France today. Anyway, as I was passing, the song "Do You Realize" was on, and the line "That everyone you know will die" played right as I caught my first glimpse of this cemetary. As if that wasn't strange enough, I was driving down sunset from the 405 to Beverly Hills later that same run, and I was jamming to Barnaked Ladies, a group that I had shelved for near 6 years...Well, they are back now for me, and I am enjoying getting reacquainted with their music. As I was driving, one of their lyrics "If I was the sun, you would be in shadow played." And it played right as the sun hit my rear view, and then I turned right on that curvy Sunset Blvd. and entered shadow.

Music really is connected to those moments in life. Because you know what the most amazing part of it all is? No matter all the mathematical combinations and permiutations possible throughout time EVER, I experienced 2 anomalys in about an hour. Never do these things sync up in life. When they do, you create a moment. Once that moment, that memory is created, its etched into your brain and gets reminded every time you hear that song/lyric again the rest of your life. Sure, its cliche and cheesy, and yeah I am a total sap for that, but you know what: life is happening all the time, all around us. People that ignore it and discard cliche are missing some of the most succulent morseles that life has to offer. I weep for them.

I wanted this first post back to be about my words and my words alone. Its funny, beacuse for the first time in my life, I've actually wanted to keep a journal- like consciously thought about it, and I've been too busy to do so. I can't tell you how good it feels to be back, and I can't even begin to explain all the posts that are going to follow.

I want to make some art. I want to be a lion.

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