I am having trouble finding a balance between MO life (a slow pace) and LA life (a fast pace). I have determined that a medium pace is the pace I need, but how do I regulate pace when it is so entirely out of my control. Like in that Adam Sandler song. You know the one...a medium pace. Where he had that hilarious line about taking a shampoo bottle and sticking it up his assuming that no one has heard that song, I'll move on.
Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who notices the world or views it the way I do, in this jaded little bubble that I flaot within. Truth be told, that too is out of my control. Its like when a woman says about her future hubby, "I can change him." Well, I can't even change me at this point, so you doing so is a BIIIIIG yeah right.
Not that I don't want to change some things, or haven't thought about the way things would be like if they were just a wee bit different, but its like...at this point, I think I am who I'm going to be. Quite a stupid revelation for my quarter-life, but then again so many adults assume that the 20-somethings of today don't think down the road or retrospectively at all.
In fact, I think its our generation that is doing the real thinking. Maybe not on a global or universal scale, but at least in the regard of our own cosmology. The world we exist in, who we want to enter and depart from it, where we live, work, what we eat and wear. These all may seem meaningless now, but with how much scientific shit comes out every single day about how 'obesity is linked to ovarian cysts' and 'scientists erased the memory of a rat...' Well, its just all too real and too connected for any intelligent person to assume that when I wake up everyday, I don't think about where I've come from, and where I'm going to.
If anything, its the people of today [the adults of today I guess] that need a head check. What with all this drama about fuel and global warming, world war 3 and poisonous goldfish, well...the progressive are generally young. Its the old crumudgingly bastarish folk that ruin this world for the rest.
You know, I started writing all this shit and I think I'd like to change gears. So this is getting abandoned, but I figure why not leave it here and let you ponder life's questions unanswerable.
So I really have a lot of ideas and goals. Albeit lofty ones, but its as I've said since day one. If you don't dream big, you'll never live big. You'll never be happy, and you'll never get what you want. In keeping with that theme, I want to write all these scripts and have all these ideas and I do, but its so hard to get other people on the same page. To top all that off, I don't want to be an EP. Well, I do. But not an active one that makes every call. I want to write and act and sing and dance, but I don't want to think about how to shave 20,000 off overhead and deal with a group of extras that is filing a grievance with the union cause they didn't get a smoke bump. That just isn't me.
But you know what kills me? That seems to be the only way to get what you want out of this business. Pave your own road. I don't know. It just kills me because I was so fucking active in high school, hooked on leadership like oxygen to a stroke victim, and only wanted my schedule more filled and more cluttered to the point that I didn't have any time at all to sit still.
The issue nowadays...I totally burnt myself out in HS. Like, I did all this shit just to get to some other plateau: college. And what after that? I move here. And what after that? Aww fuck man, I gotta be a leader all over again?
And let me clarify. I know leadership is a gift, and its one most people don't have. I also know that the desire to be in front of a crowd is pretty rare as well. But these are two things that seemingly go hand in hand, and will be forever linked because of precedents set. Hell, all of our leaders, whether they be entertainment or political, are always in the public eye.
So I guess it goes without saying that if you want to get one, then you have to do the other. Or something. The synthesis. Wrong word probably. But isn't that the scientific method? Predict, try, fail, learn, new prediction, try succeed.
That's the pattern I am taking this day forward and we'll see where it gets me.
Tomorrow, a review of the Red Hot Chili Pepper's Stadium Arcadium.