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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

tennis hero- alone

Last weekend we played tennis. It was fun. But now, it seems, tennis has become our drug of choice as we are trying to find any and every free moment under the sun (or moon...anyone know of any courts that have lights?) to play tennis. And play we shall.

Last night was a wash...I got off work much later than I should have...I'll hold my tongue on that one...but by the time I got off, it was practically dark, and when we went to the courts, they were all full. Fuckers. Who'd a thought, at fairfax high school, more than 3 sets of people would want to play.

The shitty thing is that since it's free, I can't exactly be like- hey, we actually signed this court out from 6-9 tonight. Sorry, come again! Out here, that'd get me shot...with a rubberband. And children would cry. They would, trust me- children cry. They make a habit of it.

Which reminds me...

Why is it that when I get on a plane, everyone always says "ooh- make sure not to make light of the 9/11 stuff."

"ooh, scott- don't open your big mouth and make some joke. They'll throw you in jail."

Well, for those of you who know me, you know I don't hold my tongue. Its just something I don't do. And I take pride in that fact, knowing that I don't "front" or give people some misconception of who I really am. Like, I could just sit there silently, looking hot (let me have this one), and not talk. Women would think I was this really complex guy who was sensitive and had his shit together. The funny thing is that I AM ALL THOSE THINGS...but when you open your mouth as much as I do, people tend to think differently.

Like, I'm not sure a woman has even looked at me sexually since...jesus...last summer?

Wait a second...where was I going with this? Oh babies right? I get through airport security, I let them frisk me, pull me to the side, drug test me, beat me, etc. I don't say a word, I let them do their job, I respect them for that, and I sure as shit am not stupid enough to open my big mouth when I go to an airport. SO PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME. I'm not 11, I'm 111. Somewhere in there.

Anyway, after the ardous task of getting through security, I go and sit in a middle seat that's too small for anyone ever, and I have to listen to a baby 2 seats in front of me scream, piss, shit, kick, grab, bite any and everyone for however long the flight is.

Ok, where the fuck are the US Marshalls on that one? Its a total double standard. Cause if I get up, yell, cry, and shit myself- not only do I get thrown off the flight, but I get called a terrorist, and get detained.

Whatever happened to free speech? If I want to make a gun joke at an airport, I should be able to. Or do we just claim to support these tenets of democracy, and not actually enforce them?

Additionally, and I know what you're thinking...babies don't have control over what they do, so how can they be held accountable.

And we think some brainwashed terrorist is any different? I'm not kidding here people. The similarities are striking. But to then ground a flight cause I had wicked diarhhea and had to run to the front bathroom before I shit my pants? Well, America is getting a little too worried I think.

If a parent wants to bring a baby on a plane, then there needs to be a seperate sound-proof booth for them to sit in. Lets make it smell proof too.

What's that? Too much to ask of our airlines? Great, then here's a feasable way to make this actually come in to practice:

make anyone who flies with a baby sit in the very far back. Let them all be miserable together. Then, make the rest of the fucking plane first class and get me drunk. I swear, I'm half tempted to never fly again until I am 1st class all the way. Pretentious as fuck, I know...but I just can't take this double standard bull shit anymore.

And another thing...if you have a baby, don't get on a fucking airplane until they are responsiible enough to handle it.

1 comment:

a girl said...

A girl hasn't looked at you sexually since last summer? I wanted to fuck you 3 months ago, ya dumb fuck.