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Thursday, July 06, 2006

meet me at the muny, the muny in forest park!

I have the biggest craving to see that stupid local St. Louis ad. I know, I know...its totally absurd...but something about local missouri commercials, and how they are practically identical to the local commercials here...I find it rather unsettling.

There's this ad out here for this car dealership and they keep saying, "Keyes Keyes Keyes, Keyes on Van Nuys." Instead of Ba-Ba-Ba, Ba-barbara ann (oh barbara ann, baby take my hand) or whatever they say.

And everytime I hear the thing I want to freak out and smash the TV cause the commercial is just so annoying. The ironic thing is that that isn't even the worst one. There's yet another commercial that I get subjected to on an almost daily basis. Its for the Leeds Mattress Store. Now, those of you in LA know how abismal this commercial is. Especially at the end when he says, "or your mattress is freeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Yeah, get me a gun bigger than jesus's dick and blow my brains out.

Like, who are these people? Who are the people that help them make these commercials, and then who are their supposed friends who let this crap hit the airwaves? Now I know what you're thinking..."well, those commercials worked on you, you're talking about them now, you've clearly memorized them, so they clearly worked."

Did they? Do you see me buying a car from Keyes on Van Nuys and then driving that car to the Leeds Mattress Store and getting a stack of beds to slide down a hill on? Do you see me singing these obnoxious commercials day in and day out, regardless of if I am in a church and we're in silent prayer, or I have the microphone in front of 30,000 people at Dodger Stadium? No, you don't and you never will.

Because people always confuse a jingle as being this powerful thing that affects you. Something that as soon as its in you, you just can't shake it, no matter what you do. Yeah, there's another thing like that out there, its called terminal illness and it does the same thing- only this one kills you. More often than not in a painful drawn out fashion, leaving no cell unaffected, and no moment comfortable.

Local commercials are the cancer that is eating away at TV. And until these idiots can just realize that their ads do nothing but push people even futher away, they're just going to spread and spread until we can't come back. Scripted television will be replaced by public access 8th and Ocean. And all the kids on the show will be the biggest stars in the universe.

Well, I for one will not stand for it.

So, you what you will with that...and then suck it trebek!

In other news, last night the two (well, two of three) wambach girls and I went to see Steph's roommate Steph (I know, its abbott and costello all over again...and yes I meant Kurt Abbott and Elvis Costello, who else is there?) kickball game. Now, I had never been to an actual adult-league semi-professional kickball game before. They had uniforms, and afterwards I found out this was the quarter finals in their tourney. If they win next week, they get to go to Miami, Florida and compete in the US finals.

How fucking absurd is that? After being there for like 5 minutes, I could only think one thing: I want in. So I joined, right then and there, kicked the game winning homerun, and retired forever. After the game, they also retired my number (number .367 by the way), and gave a billion dollar check to charity, citing 'the greatest performance in semi-pro sports history, with ones legs'. So this prosthetic leg clinic got all this money. I'm a glad I did something nice. Sadly though, 3 hours later, when we were out celebrating, I ran into the guys from the leg clinic at this respectful gentleman's club called 'The Body Shop.' I just wish it was a bath and body shop, cause I could practically smell how rife with disease these strippers were...anyway, after hours of blueballing, my legs fell asleep. Ironic too, as the guys who were buying me all these lap dances worked for a prosthetic leg clinic. Perhaps though, there was never a more apropriate time for that to happen.

Ok I didn't really lose feeling in my legs..but the rest is true, I swear.


Before I go...

Today Emmy nominations were announced. I am proud to cite that Arrested Development got the nod in 3 very important categories: Best supporting actor for Will Arnett and his portrayl of Gob Bluth. Best writing for the episode titled 'Development Arrested' (the infamous episode where they make all the HBO and showtime references, like the week they were actually cancelled), and Best Comedy Series. They also got a nom for best editing for 'The Ocean Walker,' Charlize Theron's last appearance in the series, when at the end she walks over the pool.

Anyway, seeing as a series I was a part of actually got a nod when I was working there, that means a lot. Its kind of a mini milestone in my otherwise 'throw away' career thus far. Especially if we win.

Oh my god, I can say 'we' instead of 'they!' I am giddy.

yikes...I just piddled a little, I gotta change diapers. PEACE


MWillyB said...

Dude, its "Sit and Sleep" not Leeds. Clearly they need to annoy you more.

Cati said...

Is it just me or does the familiar tune to the Muny ad go through your head everytime you read it? You can't just read the text-the sing-songy version pops into your head and its almost like it is playing in the room you're in.

Just me? Awkward.