whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream...dream, dream, dream

I had this dream last night that I was driving a car up an extremely steep hill. When I got to the top I was in a highly residential area- with beautiful lush green lawns and children playing in their yards and on the street. The homes were all similar- cookie cutter images of what we have associated with America today. The buildings white- the shutters a hunter green, blue, or red. Mostly ranch homes, but a few 2-story places in there every once and a while. Well I was driving this car up to the top of this hill into this neighborhood. And when I got to the stop sign, I stopped and while sitting there in my car, I looked to my right and saw a beautiful blonde woman working in her garden. She was facing away from me, kneeling down on the ground and she looked to be near my age- wearing an orange tank top and some sort of khaki gardening pants, and so motherly gardening gloves. She seemed to be planting flowers or something. And just as I was about to turn left and drive away, she stood up, turned to face me, and wiped the sweat from her brow. She removed her gloves and wiped her forehead again and it was then I recognized her. It was 'Ms. X.' She looked amazing. I was so entranced by her that I opened my car door, got out of the car and walked over to her on the lawn. I had totally forgotten to put my car in park, so it started rolling down this steep hill to near certain doom. But I didn't notice the car rolling away. I had complete tunnel vision of 'Ms. X' and she seemed to be the only thing, besides the clear blue sky, that my mind was allowing to process. I approached her cautiously- as not to disturb her in her perfect state of being. But as I grew nearer, there was a familiarity that seemed to cross over her face. She smiled, and batted her eye lashes as she does so often. I smiled back, held out my hand to her, and she took it- without any reluctance whatsoever. We walked down the street together, holding hands, in silence, just staring into the bliss that was life, and deeply into each others eyes. Before I knew it we had returned to the lawn I had encountered her on, and she got back to working in her garden. I watched as children playing across the street rolled my car up the hill, and parallel parked it across the street from her place.

I could feel the sun starting to burn my skin slightly. It was welcome though- for some reason, the sun was giving me energy that I had not felt before. I looked out into the horizion, and despite the fact that I was in what looked like Normal Rockwell's America, in the distance stood towering mountains- quite similar to those of Machu Pichu. I'm sure I spelled that wrong. But it almost gave me this tribal feeling- and my animal instincts grew stronger and stronger. Eventually I mustered up the courage to go back over and speak with 'Ms. X' again. As I looked at her and licked my lips in order to prepare myself to speak, she stared at me blankly. My voice trembling, I was able to mutter, "You never leave me..." and then I broke down and started crying. She didn't respond verbally- merely wiped the tears off my cheeks, looked me dead in the eye- and softly kissed my lips. She bent down to continue working in her garden...and then, almost as a thought had just occured to her, she stood back up, leaned into me and whispered, "wake up...don't cry...just wake up."

I instantly woke to find myself in my bed, clutched tightly into a ball, softly whimpering and wondering how I went on this journey at all. Before I could grasp too much, I forced myself to go back to sleep and see what would happen next...

This time when I resturned, it was dusk. The children that were once playing were now leaning on my car smoking cigarettes and talking amongst themselves. 'Ms. X' was gone, inside, eating dinner with what looked like a beautiful family- no doubt her own. I was totally confused...but had no idea what to do, so I threatened the kids that if they didn't get off my car they were going to pay for it. They accepted, got off my car, and I got in and drove away.

I'm so confused...but it felt so damn real...she felt real- her kiss felt real- just like one of her own. Everything about it was so real it just tore me to pieces. Cause I wanted it to be real. I wanted nothing more than that.

while you sleep I sit here, awake and ready

I can't sleep. Not when I think. Not when my mind races at 2 AM. I have no choice. This is something I need. To get the fingers moving. That's exactly what I need. Why does wait to rain until the night? Isn't night time dark enough? They couldn't space it out a little? Now it makes the night seem like some vortex that I am going to get sucked in to. Doubtful though, these Ohio plains and rolling hills? Too picturesque for me. I need to be where the night is clear and the streets are dirty and plagued with people- doing god knows what and ignoring everyone else out there. Los Angeles. Night. Streets. And me- alone walking towards my shitty apartment with 3 roommates I don't even knowing- barely making ends meat to get by and my car was just broken into- just so some fuck could steal the change in my cup holder. And knowing all the while that some time- my time would come. It will come. Sooner than you all think.

ruben ruben tell me truly true- I feel afriad and I don't know why I do

Music is the only thing providing me with sanity. Notes that harmonize and come together to make symphony. Music that makes me think, and music that makes me forget to think. Both of which I need right now. This weekend was an odd one- one for the record books. Never have I experienced anything like it. So many things happened its not even worth getting into- all of the powers of the world came together to create what we call 'life' and 'meaning.' I challenged my foes, I entertained my commrades, and I grew as a person.

Hey- I just saw jesus.

has anyone ever told you that? That some experience they had made them have this revalation and turned their entire world upside down. And then from that moment they either found faith, or completely lost it depending on the results of their situation. Sometimes you can see the miracle of life on this earth in the most little things. To me it comes when I look at the colors of nature. Even just driving in Ohio- there are some days when I look out my window and I can only see gray skies with dreary Ohio terrain and boring farm country. Other days I can see the most vibrant colors in the fallow fields of farmers- in the finely trimmed lawns of Joe 9 to 5- in the chipping read paint on an aging house, somehow making it even more picturesque than it would be if it were brand new. These facets of life breath into me enlightenment I would never find if I didn't take time to look for it. And that's when I see things in their most pure and beautiful form. And that's also when I realize how lucky I am to have the friends I do, and the life I have been given.

I need to write a song. And I have a feeling this will be the one. That one song that makes me feel like I have accomplished something as a musician, and that audiences will listen to and say, "This song really gets me. I can't quite figure out why, but this song makes me feel something."

Cause for once I will feel something when I am writing it. Sorry I can't say more blog world, but it's too much to even begin.

ask and ye shall receive, take and ye shall something

A big shout out to Brie for a mention in her blog- and to answer your question, yup- that is exactly how it went down. In fact, I am wiriting a play right now- and that happens to be the opening monologue. If anyone wants to read it, I can make you a copy or email it to you. Not that anyone would want to read it, but it is a funny story of love, life, and a good old fashioned college party. It's based on my experiences from the past few years, and mostly about me and my friends from home. I find it entertaining, but then again- some people don't give a shit about anything and thus could call it total crap. I'm not saying that it isn't crap- but who knows- everybody poops so-to-speak.

So what happened in the melodrama that is my life today? Hmm...nothing. Yup, that's about it. I watched some Family Guy episodes, and vegged the fuck out. It was a nice needed break amidst a full week of things to do and people to see. There must be something fun to write about though- so I went searching. I walked about five steps- out my door (saywer 15), turned right and straight out my building. Then it came to me.

You know what I find absolutely hilarious? The guys who play sports on the quad. Like seriously- what are they trying to prove. Whiffleball and frisbee don't fit into this category, but all the LAX bull shit and baseball and quad football and shit- it's all hilarious. It's these freshman/sophomore guys who are trying so hard to make this school look like it did in the brochures when they applied here. News flash: there are IM fields all over the damn place. So why do it on the quad? And why- when playing these asanine games with their frat brothers do they blare their crap 80s rock a their copy of Bush- Everything Zen from the early 90s? I just have to laugh when I see that becuase they aren't out there for love of the game- they are there just to be seen. Kind of like me when I go to eat at Slayter. I don't give a shit about the food- I just go there to be seen...yeah right. I go there because for some godforsaken reason they don't have enough senior housing at this prep school. I love how they want us to get ready for the real world, and then they have substance free buildings and quiet hours. Its like- NEWSFLASH people, the real world has no quiet hours. And it certainly has no substance free living. Nope- instead it has whatever it has. You deal with it when you encounter it, and you live where you live. And guess what- you got a problem with it you have two choices- go and bitch like a little whiny bitch, or deal with it. Or better yet- move the fuck out.

This place is such a bubble sometimes I have to laugh just so that I don't go crazy. And the funny thing is- I laugh so loud and obnoxiously- people think I am crazy. Well, in the words of Seal- "We're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy." And as lame as it is to quote Seal, it's true. Plus it's great music to fuck to.

Not that song from the Batman soundtrack though- that one was lame. Yeah, you know the one- half of you probably have the damn soundtrack hidden away somewhere cause U2 had a song on it and they just rock!

In case you couldn't tell- I was being sarcastic. I do like parts of Achtung Baby, Joshua Tree, and some of Elevation though- so don't worry- I'm hip too.

the newsboy was right, this is a journal

A place where I freely express all my inner most thoughts and apprehensions about the world. Just to clarify from yesterday's post concerning the Treaties that ended WWI and WWII:

my friend Alex wirtes: Treaty of Versailles ended WWI... allocated reparations and declared Germany to be the primary instigator of the war... thus, Germany was plunged into enormous debt and economic turmoil... hyper-inflation was so bad that at several points, a wheel barrow of money wouldn't by a loaf of bread... furthermore, this chaos allowed the seemingly (and brilliantly) sturdy hand of one Adolf Hitler to gain popularity, and provided people wiht the desire to believe that, like Marlyn Manson, the Jews were responsible for the terrible situation.

All of this came in near direct contrast to Woody Wilson's suggestions,the 14-points and what not... It was France that chose to blaim Germany and recieve reparations, which they used to maintain Alcace-Larein (spelling?) and build the Maginot line, which has become the butt of many French jokes... " What do the French call a speed bump?... The Maginot"

There have been several treaties of Paris. One, that again started another war was the one that ended the French/Vietnam conflict... with that tragic Dien Bien Phu routing.

So in case you needed a dose of history when all else fails- there it is.

I was talking with my friend Maggie Hopf today and she said my blog was a journal and she read it one time cause she was bored. Dreams come true. This is what a crave- a bored audience that can be stimulated by even the most insignifigant thing- a feather, a bad hair cut, a paper clip. I happen to be all of these things wrapped into one...and then I thought of something funny that Dave reminded me of in class today.

For those of you who don't know- apparently about 2 years ago (so he claims) my Comm prof, a one Dave Gilbert, had a casual affair with a woman. They were both extremely drunk- to the point that once they got back to his place for a little boot knocking, they got naked and passed the fuck out. Ah- true love is so sweet. Although I typically pass out after the orgasm, no matter how drunk. That- or I make myself throw up so I have energy to fuck with. Anyway, with his story said I thought I would share a story from my freshman year that everyone deserves to hear.

It all started when I met this girl in my spanish class. Her name was ___________ and she was quite friendly to me. After calling me one night claiming that she had to write a report on someone for her FYS class, I invited her to come over and watch a movie. Well, here's the deal with my shitty old Shorney 224- the way the room was set up my bed was lofted, and my computer/desk was below it. Our TV was also lofted. I lived with a kid named Mike Berlin. He was always kind enough to leave the room when I was getting ass. Anyway...this girl comes over, and she's like- what movie are we going to watch? I explained that if we wanted to watch a DVD we would have to sit in the uncomfortable desk chairs and sit under my bed- or we could watch a VHS on the TV, but the only way to see it would be from my bed. She lept at the occasion to get into my bed, and that was that.

The next thing I know she is totally naked and I am going down on her. Well, let me say- going down on a girl is absolutely one of my favorite things to do (I am not kidding- it's really a lot of fun once you get good at it.). I must have gone down on her for 45 minutes. She claims to have climaxed 3 times during the course of my actions. So I crawl back up next to her only to realize that I am still totally clothed, from head to toe. I began to take my shirt off and unbuckle my belt. She stopped me and said (and I quote from here on out- word for word)"Oh- wait, that's really all I want to do tonight."

I stopped abrubptly...

Scott: What? What do you mean?
GIRL: Yeah, I hate to seem like a tease, but that's really all I want to do.
Scott: Well, then you are going to sit here and watch me beat my shit until I am done.
GIRL: ...

I then commenced to jerk off- came on her stomach, and told her to pull her shirt down and get the fuck out of my room. She had to do the walk of fame back to Crawford 327 or whatever it was.

The moral of this story: Well, I guess there really isn't one. It's more of a hilarious anecdote from my previous years as a crazy student here at ol denidoo. Can anyone top that? Am I a total freak? In my own defense- she shouldn't have let me chow so much box if I wasn't getting my just desert.

Bon Appetite!

today's happenings...unlike any other

or, exactly the same as any tuesday here. I skipped playwrighting. I would give a shit about writing this, but my teacher has no concept of how to use a computer. Sucks for him I guess. I then went to gym class and used the rowing machine and the ellipitcal machine. I was planning on attending guitar, but the Macy informed me that he had the Chapelle Show Season I DVD set, so I opted not to go. After a brief nap, I went to dinner, and now here I sit. Any worthy news? No, not really...some funny news though: Apparently Pia misquoted herself on her blog, and I thought I would point it out right here. I guess now I am a writer for the Dispatch. Fine with me though. Maybe I can stir things up in dreary old metropolis. My first assignment: get a photo of that damn Spiderman. Or maybe get a first hand interview with Superman. Either way, if I can land one of these stories, my name will forever be remember in journalism- like that one guy- what was his name? Damn it, it's on the tip of my tongue like a blodder hit. Oh well, point being I should go on to be the best writer/reporter ever. I'll be so good that I'll get to wear a white tag in my fedora that says Press or News on it like all the cartoons by Mel Blanc and Tex Avery used to have. I love cartoons- they are such a great escape from the bleak future that is our world. It's like going to see a musical or a comedic movie. You just forget about all the bad shit and live in the world that they have created for you. Unless of course you get a movie like Who Framed Roger Rabbit where cartoon land seems wierd and totally insane...but I tell you what- one chance with Jessica Rabbit, and I would give it a shot. Another bad cartoon image that comes to mind: Does anyone remember that cartoon about cars- it was a short 5 or 6 minute cartoon- made by warner brothers or one of those huge studios. It was a narrator describing cars of the future, and highways. Then they get to this animated spaghetti junction, and you see this guy pulled over asking some employee at a hot dog stand how to get off the highway. They return to this 4 or five times until finally the guy gives up and opens a ketchup and mustard stand right nextdoor just to stay alive. Or maybe it was relish. Regardless- I have always wondered where they got those ho dogs and condiments. Because, if we continued with the theme of the cartoon, anyone that would make a delivery to them would ultimatley get stuck as well, right? See- you would think so...that would make sense...but it's a cartoon and SURPRISE- it's not real. But boy oh boy does it make me forget about the work I have to do, or the gash in my leg that is bleeding or whatever circumstances may be at hand.

So what do I do now? I am not doing any work, so you can forget that. I'm not in the mood to do anything really all that scholarly...I have no money...and no gas in my car. Worse yet, I have seen all the new movies I really want to see- except for 2 of them which aren't even out yet. So I guess I will listen to music and browse the web. That seems to keep my roommate at peace. Or maybe he's just harboring all his contempt for this school until one day he goes out If.... style and gets on the roof with a sniper rifle. I kind of could care less which result follows, mainly cause he wouldn't shoot me. I mean- I'd have to know about it- you can't just hide a sniper rifle and walk out of the room with it without any questions being raised. And I guarantee you I would ask a question or 2...something like: can I watch? Or why do you have that giant gun? And he would look at me and say- because that is the way things will be. Somehow, I would be comforted by this- sort of like the bizarre and weak Van Morrison impersonation in Wayne's World II, when Wayne goes with the Indian. He doesn't question Van's reasoning, he merely accepts it as fact. Sometimes, that's a good mindset to have. Sometimes its better just to follow the herd than to stir things up. Or maybe- just maybe- lead the herd to something bigger and better. Like greener grass and more land to roam. Manifest Destiny. Maybe my mind is in a million different places right now.

And maybe some of you will sit there and say- what a fuck- he's joking around about school shootings and wierd ass shit. Well, have no fear- I never listened to Marilyn Manson, and since that's our countries scapegoat, asserting that music like that drives kids insane, by all means I can use it as an excuse too. You can bet your ass I ain't listening to no Marilyn Manson. Nine Inch Nails, maybe...but even still- mothers that blame music for their horrific parenting and schools apathetic approach to mediating conflict, they can suck my crotch. Wake up and smell the roses. They were in school when our beloved government shot up Kent State. What did their parents say? Damn bra-burning free-thinking pot-smoking revolutionaries. But wasn't that was Washington and Jefferson were? I mean- replace bar with corset and pot with...well, pot I guess...since tobacco was more of a cash crop than a pass time...our country was built on free thinkers that changed the world with their actions. And in many ways, people don't even have these ideas unless someone leads the herd to that destination.

Me- I'm just along for the ride.

PS- what was the treaty that ended World Wars I and II? Wasn't one of them the Treaty of Versialles? Or was one of them the Treaty of Paris? I feel like the treaty of Paris was the end of the Revolutionary war. Anyway, it's been bugging me- and I was hoping one of my educated peers could help me out. Any takers?

Everyone needs someone sometime.

Jon is out. Matty is sick and sleeping. I am sitting here writing in my blog, bored out of my skull. And while I sit here, people I know I would get along with parade past my door like some sort of overlapping animated background that gets reused and reused. These are the moments when the sadness kicks in. I have no show to do, I am too apathetic to get any work done, and I really don't feel like going to either of the marvelous bars in this town. And to think- this is the first day back.

In better news, I have started listening to this band called The Postal Service. They are on the SUBPOP label, which is how I heard of them originally. As it turns out, one of my favorite artists of 2003 is also- a group (which is actually only one guy) known as Iron and Wine. They have a new album out tomorrow! He is spectacular, and actually does a remix of one of the Postal Service songs called "Such Great Heights," on one of their CD singles. Anyway, good music is essential to being human. I encourage everyone to listen to either of these groups because they really know how to write music and put it together.

Speaking of which, The Pantry Raid rehearsed today in preparation for our studio session this Wednesday. Our sound has never been richer, our ideas never more creative, and our inspiration never higher. We are really in a prolific period right now, churning out music like we'll forget it if we don't put it together. As of now, we are 2 tracks into our next effort. Our goal is to hit somewhere between 12 and 14 songs for this next album. So while all of you party and do drugs, remember that we are working our asses off to record this thing before we all go our seperate ways. And rest assured, it is totally worth every second of the effort. Not only do we love doing it, but we are writing music that even makes us sit back and say- DAMN, that was us? That sounds amazing. A large part of this is due to our Amazing producer, Asaf- but also, it comes from the great song writing of Alex Shorts, a guy who can't seem to write a bad song...and damn it if I will be envious of that for the rest of my life. We also have a few gigs coming up in the next 6 weeks...they are as follows:

April 15th- Bandersnatch Coffee House, 10 PM
April 17th- Relay for Life, 11 AM- 12 Noon
April ????- Brews Too, 10ish...this date will be posted soon, but will more than likely be a monday or wednesday.

Other than that, I'm out of steam. I am still a little sickly, and I am just not really looking forward to putting in all the effort it will take to get out of here on time. Besides Dave's class, I have a huge presentation in my Voice for the Actor class, and then some enormous paper due in my music class, and a damn play to write for my playwrighting class (which although I am 20 pages into already, I am convinced it's crap.). So again, as many of you seniors get to kick back and relax, I have a 19 credit schedule, a band to record with, (hopefully) a few films to shoot, and a directing scene to star in. On top of that- my stash is kicked! Boo Ohio, yay Jamaica: my destination immediately after graduation.

See you on the beach........boyeee!

The district sleeps alone tonight...

Lots has gone on...maybe I should let you catch up...

We last left our heros (actually- hero, this is my blog after all) in the middle of Missouri on a wild spring break at the University of Missouri, otheriwse known as Mizzou. My roommate Matty and I had a splendiferious time. We stayed with some boys of mine from high school, Robo Robbie and Trong Huynh. Trong and I used to be in a ska band a few years ago. Boy, that was fun. I miss those times. Good thing I am in a kick ass band now that is working on releasing their second studio album (details to come about this soon- I promise). Anyway, every day at Mizzou was just about the same. Wake at noon, go and eat a free meal in a dining hall (cause Rob works in Admissions and gets hella free meal tickets). After this we returned home to lounge on the couch and be bums. After watching a movie, or a few hours of TV we went to dinner. After some more TV or another movie, we would begin drinking. We would then head to the bar with a good pre-bar buzz going, and drink til they made us leave. We would find some sort of late night food, come home, and pass out only to do it all over again. Suffice to say that after 9 straight days of drinking (spanning into the week before spring break started) I had gotten sick as hell and almost totally lost my voice. I am still recooperating, but as we all know- NO TIME FOR THAT!!! We left Mizzou thursday afternoon, and went to my house in the Lou. That was pretty chill- I got to see my family, and talk a lot about graduation and the future...now the nerves are starting to build. I know I am going to graduate, but until I see that diploma I am not going to believe it. I mean, we have to get fitted in our cap and gowns this wednesday! Where did the time go? Anyway, after a 36 hour stay at home, we got on the road saturday to head back. We stayed at the Holiday Inn Express last night, drinking and hitting up the hot tub. This was where our 3rd in the hindu triad (my roomie Jon) joined us. He got in extra late, but we managed to get a good buzz going again. Delta managed to lose his bags...and they claim passengers are the terrorists.

And that was my spring break. I spent a lot of the time thinking about music, and how we are going to construct our new album. Its funny, cause I will search for ideas all day, and nothing ever occurs to me until I am sitting in bed, staring at the cieling, wondering what to do, or how a specific song should sound. Its funny cause I do so much writing in my head, by the time I actually write it down or create the song, it has already been edited/reviewd/changed/ and made better. The fun part is that we are taking 3 or 4 tunes from our last album, and re-recording them for this effort. So now we get to look back at tunes we already loved writing and playing, and get a chance to make them even better. I just really hope we can finish this before the year ends, cause lord knows there is nothing more that I want. That- and to pass all my classes. That would also kick ass. I am just nervous about playwrighting. I skip it all the time, and it only meets once a week. I have done a lot of writing, like 20 pages of a play- but its totally the opposite style of the professor of the class. He stresses truth and realism. I write fluff that makes me laugh out loud. And that makes me happy. But what will he think? I am totally petrified to even bring it in, or read it or anything in front of him. Tangent...I am sorry.

I got a haircut. In a few weeks, it should look pretty good. I also managed to gain like 10 pounds over break which disgusts me. I am already over weight and unhappy about it, to go and make it worse only adds to my frustration. So I am going to cut back on the beer and try to eat better. Drink a lot of water, and start working out more. Other than that, I'm not really sure what to do. I need to look my best though, cause I need to take preliminary head shots before I can move to L.A. so that I can start getting my face/name out there the second I step off the plane. I also talked a lot with my parents over break, and we decided that if I couldn't get a roommate on my own, I would have to find one on line. So I am a little bit more nervous about this LA thing now. It just keeps growing and growing.

Anyway, I guess the biggest thing I can say right now is that we are 6 weeks away from graduating, and I am totally in shock.

In some other way though, I know this is merely the end of the beginning. I have been waiting for this for the past 8 years. Now I feel ready to go west and conquer the entertainment industry. And I am not giving up. I am not giving up. I will stay there, alone, sad, broke, empty, for as many years as it takes until I reach my goals in life. I will do anything. I will get there. And I will not give up.

University of Missouri

Yup, that's where I am...from one college to another without even batting an eye. Well, suffice to say it is worth it- I'm staying with two of my best pals in the universe, and I have already run into several other people I went to high school with. It's nice to catch up every once and a while and actually kick it with people I have known for years. Anyway, not too much to tell, except that last night Ms. X and I decided we would give the whole dating thing a try. This is something I am exstatic about. I am so glad she is actually willing to give this a shot with me, because at this point, I feel like I have such a shitty reputation that it would never happen for me. Then again, I don't really give a fuck what other people think about me- I have made that abundantly clear since I have been here at Denison. Anyway, I am excited to be dating her- but I miss her already! Lets hope this break goes quickly cause I need Denison like an addict needs the needle. I just can't believe we are on the cusp of graduating. Its unfuckingbelievable. Happy days here- hope yours are the same.

come close to me

So the past few days have been a whilrwind. The band spent 6 hours in the studio last night, finally commencing work on our second album. Wow- that's all I can say. It makes a huge difference when you work in a real studio with a real producer. You might know him- the lovable Asaf Fulks, who is hooking our band up with professional sound and a major confidence booster about where we can go with this music thing. We re-recorded a song that we had just recently written, and it totally transformed the sound into something better than we could have possibly ever imagined. Our next studio project is to record a song called Devil take, who's lyrics I wrote after seeing The Ring. Amazingly, Alex had music written that fit perfectly with it and now we are on to track 2 of 14...15...16 however many we can do before Finals end. I don't want to give away too much, but I will say we are having a lot of special guests on this album, unlike our first effort. We've actually dubbed the album title (for right now) '...and friends' cause there are so many people collaborating with us on this effort. But to me- that's what music is. Many creative people coming together to form whatever it is that feuls our fire.

And on that note- I took a writing class last semester. It was a creative writing class. It was very benefical to me, as I am now able to express my mind in a cohesive and interesting way. But this prof, and I won't name names, suggested that a lot of my poetry and fiction was purely cliche. She didn't think I had that much original thought in my writing. As I was riding back from Bw3s today, this lesson that tried to instill in me reoccured. And then I got to analyzing...

cliche: something that is trite and rendered almost meaningless by overuse.

But then I decided. Is falling in love cliche? Is seeing someone who you are so enamored by that your heart skips a beat cliche? Is a college kid that smokes pot cliche? Is there any real original thought out there anymore? So we write these songs. And so most of them are for women or people in our lives that made us feel a certain way. Or we write a play- or a book- or a poem- the point is, in order for something to be cliche, it almost has to be universal. Like so many fucking people in the world have felt the exact same way as me- and they have said something or done something about it. So then why do people consider cliches to be negative? I will admit, some of them are. Many of them are. A rose would never smell as sweet, you light up my life, where have all the years gone, etc. I just got really pissed off because this prof trivialized my thoughts. My fucking thoughts. He/She (again- I am not telling) really made me feel inadquate with my own head and heart. But you know what- fuck it. According to him/her everything in the universe is cliche now. Even saying that was cliche. It's like things change so damn fast that it's impossible to even keep up. Instead, we should just live life for ourselves, relish in the cliche moments that other people put themselves above, and smile...

There is a vacany within me. I am having post-show withdrawl, granted, but something else doesn't seem to be there. I have been drinking a lot. More than I care to, usually. I find myself getting annoyed with people I don't even know- totally judging them before I even give them a shot. This is not like me. Again I sit here writing rhetorically just to find some sort of answer to a question I don't even understand. Cliche, cliche, cliche...-but you got caught up didn't you? Now, I am being honest- that is actually how I feel, but I mean how damn cliche does that sound?

Anyway, tomorrow I leave for the University of Missouri- that's right, from one college to another. I just can't get enough. But I also want to spend time with those people that I might not see for ages once I move west and attempt to start my life on my own terms. So it will be 4 days and 5 nights of bar hopping, copius ganja smoking, and laughing my ass off at all the people who are still in classes. Let's hope I can coax some of them into skipping and hanging the fuck out- cause I need it.

I will definetely be updating over the course of this break- so stay tuned. In the meantime, if you all remember a post I wrote about my boy G-Knowledge...well, he has joined the blogosphere as well. Check his shit out. He's a smart, funny, and respected individual. Listen to his words, cause he can teach you a lot.

Now think about bunnies and ice cream! Have a great break- and be on the look out for our new album before the year lets out.

charmed...a googely-moogely

Well, the last 24 hours has been a whirlwind. Mark Soloff, T- my roommate, and I drove to a dinner engagement with the theatre peeps. On the drive we discussed the new Giant Eagle pharmacy that replaced big bear. What the fuck happened? The bird killed the bear. But, as we speculated in the car, seeing a giant ealge and a big bear fight would be cool. It would be like nature's beasts in a cage match. The eagle with the big fuckin talons, and the bears with their ferocious teeth and claws. Damn, I could watch that all fuckin day. The blur started at Applebees, however. We had a nice hurrah, and I drank 3 'BREWTUS' beers (which I was told we the equivalent of 66 ounces). And now they have some stupid rule that you can't have more than 3 drinks during happy hour there cause so many people we abusing it. I mean, in all reality, half price drinks and appetizers there is a fucking steal. I ate a meal and had 3 huge beers all for 12 dollars even- including tip. Amazing- literally. Upon returning to campus (in the passenger seat of my car) I continued to sauce it up. My roommate and I had several Nattys, and a few margaritas and then headed to the bar for haymakers, where I proceeded to drink for another 3 hours. At this point I was starting to see stars, but luckily 'Ms. X' escorted me up the hill.

Amazingly, I woke this morning feeling decent. Got up, went to my 9:30 (yeah- comm class bitches!) and it was cancelled. So I took a nap before my voice class and it was delightful. In voice class today, we were quizzed (of sorts) on our pronunciation of a Cockney English accent. That was fun. Then I skipped my 'I have no attendance policy' music class for the 500th time this week.

Suffice to say, today was a good day. And to make it even better, I went into Newark, sold some of my crappy CDs for decent cash, and went to waterbeds and stuff to laugh at the random assortment of sexual products and 'tobacco' pipes. 2 good simpsons episodes. Tubes. And then dinner. Now I am off to jam with the band in preparation for our studio time coming up soon. Life is good. Best part- starting at 10- I do it all over again. Beers, Chapelle's show, bar, and good times. Man, life is sweet and today was a good fuckin day.

14 terms later, here I am...

So, this post is all business...anyone who reads for entertainment better shy away now, cause this is about to get boring.

Apagoresis: "So tonight I call on team owners, union representatives, coaches, and players to take the lead, to send the right signal, to get tough, and to get rid of steriods now."

Antonomasia: "My Administration is promoting free and fair trade, to open up new markets for America's entrepreneurs, and manufacturers, and farmers, and to create job's for America's workers."

Antitheton: "We also hear doubts that democracy is a realistic goal for the greater Middle East, where freedom is rare. Yet it is mistaken, and condescending, to assume that whole cultures and great religions are incompatible with liberty and self government."

Correctio: Bush does not empoly this device.

Counterchange: Bush does not employ this device.

Counterfait in Personation: "Our law enforcement needs this vital legislation to protect our citizens."

and...

"Sir, America stands with you and the Iraqi people as you build a free and peaceful nation."

and...

"America's intelligence personnel and diplomats have been skilled and tireless."

Homoioptoton: Bush does not employ this device.

Homoioteleuton: "These killers, joined by foreign terrorists, are a serious, continuing danger. Yet we're making progress against them. The once all-powerful ruler of Iraq was found in a hole, and now sits in a prison cell."

and...

"The killing has continued in Bali, Jakarta, Casablanca, Riyadh, Mombasa, Jerusalem, Istanbul, and Baghdad."

Horismus: "And one of those essential tools is the Patriot Act, which allows federal law enforcement to better share information, to track terrorists, to disrupt their cells, and to seize their assets. For years, we have used similar provisions to catch embezzlers and drug traffickers. If these methods are good for hunting criminals, they are even more important for hunting terrorists."

Proclees:While this is a rather backahanded example, it still technically fits under this specific definition:

"America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people."

Prodiorthosis: Bush does not employ this device.

Proecthesis: "Each day, law enforcement personnel and intelligence officers are tracking terrorist threats; analysts are examining airline passenger lists; the men and women of our new Homeland Security Department are patrolling our coasts and borders. And their vigilance is protecting America."

Tmesis:"Tonight, members of Congress can take pride in the great works of compassion and reform that skeptics had thought impossible."

Topographia:Bush does not employ this device, persay. He talks a lot about our country, but never in a literal descriptive way. Maybe I am misinterpretting this term.

2 pump chump

It was a dare. People thought I would never list this as a title of my blog, considering what it implies. But I, like many others in the world, enjoy shock value humor a lot. I like catching people's attention only to have it again taken away by a boring blog entry. It's been a few days since we have talked. How are you? Did you have a good weekend?

Internet: yes, yes I did.

And what did you do this weekend?

Internet: Forget me- talk about yourself. I want to know what you did. Tell me! Besides, it will help put me to sleep.

You go a lot of nerve coming to my blog and dishing sarcasm. Do you want to hear or not?

Internet: Yeah yeah, I do.

You are in need of a serious attitude adjustment.

Internet: You're in need of an attitude adjustment. Lousy good for nothing know it all.

You know what? Fuck you. I'm just going to talk, and you can choose to ignore me if you want.

Internet: Fine...I was just saying though...

SHUT UP!

So...the show closed this weekend. Thank you all for coming to see it! Mad props toJordan. Actually, for those of you who know him, Jordan and I worked together on a scene last year (for his acting class, and my directing class). Within this scene, Jordan talked about price breakdowns for cocaine and rolled a number of joints. But that wasn't my choice as director- it was actually in the damn script! So, hooray for plays I guess...they keep it real. But then again, we all know the dangers of keeping it too real.

Anyway, it was rather bittersweet to close the show. I could do it 1000 more times. I want to. After the show, we had a huge cast party here that got a little out of hand. It was fabulous. And, like fucking clockwork, the R.A. showed up at 12:59 AM..."Um dude, cut the noise- it's quiet hours."

"Fuck you very much" slam door

five minutes later...

"Um dude, you really gotta tell people to leave- it's quiet hours."

Oh, no shit- it's quiet hours? I thought it would have ended within the time between now and your last stop-by. So instead of kicking back and relaxing, I had to shush people for the next 45 minutes. And then I look like the ass hole. Plus, I hate shushing- I find it to be one of the most annoying things in the world. Someone else telling you to be quiet. I'm sorry, but that was the last show that I will do in college. I am going to make some noise, celebrate, drink, flirt, do everything I want to do- because for Christ sake, I earned it. And guess what losers? In the real world- there is no quiet hours. No R.A.'s, no noise violations, no non-smoking buildings, no substance free ANYWHERE! Get a fucking clue and leave the bubble every once and a while.

Speaking of Jesus, I saw The Passion of Jesus Christ yesterday. Pretty good.

Anyway, so the party was crazy and people stayed til 7 AM. And the best part? We have soooo much booze left over. I mean literally 2 cases, a bottle of tequila, bottle of baileys, bottle of rum, and a full fuckin bottle of Whiskey. So we were happy campers when we realized we could drink for free for a while.

Anyway, I can't really say that anything too eventful happened in the past couple of days, save what I just wrote- but I thought I would give you all a chance to catch your breath, take a break, and enjoy the moments worth living. I'm going to do that now...sort of. Really, I am just going to eat some wheat thins. They are yummy.

Ciao bitches!

what a show, what a show...

Tonight we were fucking hot. A big shout out to Allison for going to see the show and liking my work. After a bland show last night, I feel sooo much better. Once again, the energy was unsurpassable. Ask anyone in the show- they will tell you the same- its amazing to come off a show and know that it was just fanfuckingtastic. And to make things even better- Ms. X got me 'flowers' as a little congrats gift. By flowers I mean a bottle of Cutty Sark, one of the most bad ass whiskeys around. Anyway, I am not in the mood to blog- I'm just too damn energetic. Peace and love everyone, and remember- if you haven't seen this show, you are missing the best thing to happen to Denison theatre since Jennifer Garner. Wait, I mean Hal Holbrook. Yeah, he's much better.

I love life right now!

wow wednesdays...

So after a full tuesday that concluded with me basically closing down the bars last night and then proceeding to stay up until 4 doing god knows what...or whom...I woke at 10:45 and started my day. I assumed that I had missed class, and thus I was fuct. But as it turns out (and as I had predicted(in this case predicted=hoped)) class was cancelled anyway. Oh joy. Thanky you Ren and Stimpy for the perfect saying for this occasion. Anyway, I went to my acting class and had a nice long talk with my prof & director Rob Gander. Then I came back up here and took a nap and felt really shitty. I took some meds though, and I was feeling fine from then on out. But to my dismay, the play tonight was not all that it has been in the past. The cast seemed tired/angry/apathetic, I'm not sure. Something just didn't click tonight. I feel badly, because the audience may have gotten jipped- but then again aside from a few people the audience tonight was god awful. No one seemed to care that we were up there sweating our asses off in dancers belts and hot pants. Ok- maybe that was just me. Anyway, I know it's currently thursday and this is technically wednesday's post, but I just had to say something to the world. Chapelle's show tonight was a 6.5/10, but still fucking hilarious. I just think Dave didn't expect to actually make it longer than a season, so he is recycling a lot of material and utilizing Paul Mooney wayyyyy too much. But that lil jon shit is fucking off the hook, and he is just an all around funny guy.

I guess I really don't have that much to say to the internet world right now. I am tired, slowly getting sick, and ready for a break. In other news though, we had an alum (Scott Barsotti) staying with us for the past few days. He left today, and tomorrow yet another arrives (Jason Seltzer). Both of these gents I lived in LA with, so I am super excited to see them again. It has been a while. On top of that, my budy Jeff Brown and his girl Jamie are coming in this weekend too. So it will be like mini-thanksgiving in March for scotty jonny and matty here in sunny sawyer 15. I am excited. But that's all I got- I am going to hit the hay soon so I can have a good day tomorrow. Peace and love fellow believers.

Full tuesday...

Well class, you should be proud of me. Not only did I go to bed at a decent hour last night, but I also went to all my classes today. This is the first tuesday since the first week of the semester that I went to all my classes. So can someone please give me an award? I mean- its hard to get to class being a senior and being extremely appathetic about what is left to do, and what classes I have to go to. Plus with this play going on, I really have been trying to save my energy for the night time, instead of the daytime. You know- sleep in (or go to class to catch up on some sleep) and then kick ass in the show that night. It's a wondeful philosophy, assuming that the school supports it. I mean, swimmers get to miss classes all damn year long. And they are excused. We actors are just asking for 2 weeks of minimal class- that's it. No frills, no flowers or candy, no stuffed teady bear or award for our diligence. Just some sort of break for when we hit this hell week. Because honestly, I am sick and tired of teachers telling me that I don't try hard enough. Again, this hasn't happened to me in a long time- I am pretty good about getting my shit done these days. Dare I say I may have matured a little in my tenure here? But to show up to class and get a lecture from a teacher about how I don't care, only to go to rehearsal/performance and have my director ask me why I didn't give my all when in reality I did, it's just that my 'all' by that point in the day is about 40%.

I'm not really sure where all that came from, cause I am having a great day. It's beautiful, the sun is shining, and I feel fine. Better than fine actually. I feel like 100 bucks. (Yes...that was a bad joke.) I feel badly for Liz though. Some people really have no respect. And the whole SUV thing is getting out of hand. Now. I might not have a lot of room to talk- I like nice things. Yes I bought a 100 shirt at the French Connection. Yes, I have shoes that match certain outfits like any fashionable person. Yes I like spending money. But the whole car thing is a bit crazy here. Why do so many damn people drive SUVs? They are just about the worst car you can buy. And the ironic thing is that it's typically the wanna-be hippies that own these cars who say that they are liberal and care about the environment and yada yada yada. "we hung out at the homestead- that's being politically active." Well they can all suck a fuck. As far as I am concerned, SUVs need to be eliminated, or at least totally modified. You want political activisim? Check out Feul Cells. That is the future of the automotive industry, and yet we all ignore it cause we love our precious oil. And to think- had we used this technology years ago (like when it was discovered/developed) we would never have become reliant on foreign oil, and thus never would have oppressed thousands of Middle Easterners and then never had a 9/11 and my mom could actually wait for me at the gate when my flight arrives. Now, I know that's a bit of a stretch, but I'm buying a fucking Pruis when I graduate and I will be thanking god when we actually care about our planet and make some damn changes. Otherwise there will be no more beautiful days like today.

I'm not a player, I just Blog a lot...

Well, I guess Brie is on to something. She seems to be blogging about me a lot. Check her site out. So maybe I was a little off base saying that she might like Gilbert. My guess is she doesn't. Or maybe she does and she is hiding it. Or maybe...she likes ME cause she blogs about me so much. Either way, I am happy.

In more important news, I would like to blog about the economy. Not the nations economy, but my own. So for the last 4 years I have been on a pretty strict monthly budget. I work my ass off every summer so that I can earn enough to come to school and not need a job while I am here. Not that I really care to divulge the exact amount that I budget per month, but suffice to say it's nothing extravagant. It's enough for me to live my life the way I want to here...basically. Except for one small detail. How does one also budget 50 bucks a month for pot too? I mean, its tough to budget- it takes maturity, responsibility, and experience. For example, freshman year I put my entire semester budget in my bank account...I went on Phish tour for a week and spent 600$. Suffice to say I was broke by november. Now, I did a lot more drugs back then. Actually, A LOT more drug back then. I have since sort of grown out of that. But that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy a joint once and a while. And believe me, 50 bones a month aint too much compared to what I used to spend on dope. Try 50 a week. That will hurt the pocket book. Unless you are a dealer. Which I never was, and never will be. Anyway, now I am 22 and I hit the bar pretty often, and I got spring break coming up and blah blah blah. It's tough to say to yourself- I am going to drop 50 bucks on bud. But alas, being the person that I am, I still want to spend the 50 bucks, so ultimately whether I can afford it or not, I do. Anyway, I guess the only reason I am actually sharing this information is cause my group's blog assignment is all about the legalization of weed. And if it were legal it would cost a lot less, and I would spend a lot less, and be a lot happier.

Ah...I can't wait til I quit smoking...then I'll have an extra 50 every month.